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If laughter is the best medicine, then look no further to cure whatever ails you. The column “Offbase,” formally known as “Humor in Uniform,” has appeared in the Reader''s Digest magazine for over half a century, and has published more than 3,500 jokes, quotes, and funny stories from the more than a million readers who have submitted them. This volume—from the world’s #1 source of humor—contains laugh-out-loud gems from one of Reader’s Digest’s most popular columns. This side-splitting collection of humor delivers hundreds of the best jokes, anecdotes, cartoons, quotes, and stories from men and women in the armed forces or their families proving that life is often funnier than fiction. Such as: · From a Family Member: My son regaled me with stories about how they do things in the modern Air Force. Being an old Air Force man myself, I scoffed at their complicated methods. “That’s not the way we did it when I was in the service,” I said. “Yeah,” he shot back. “But when you were in, there were only two pilots, Wilbur and Orville” — Ted Shirley · From an Army Soldier: Our Army Unit was overseas conducting maneuvers with the Marines. On shift one night, a Marine asked my sergeant where he was from. “I’m originally from Central America,” said the sergeant. “Oh, yeah?” asked the Marine. “Kansas?” — David Denbek · From Iraq: At the end of a tough day in Iraq, my daughter, the airman, collapsed onto the first seat in the transport truck, forcing everyone else to climb over her. “Private!” hollered the sergeant, “Skinny girls get in the back so when we men get on with our weapons and equipment, we don’t have to climb over you. Have I made myself clear?” Suddenly my daughter perked up, “Do you really think I’m skinny?” — Margaret Culbertson · About the Military: A soldier stationed at Fort Bliss, Texas, actually got a letter addressed to “Fort Ignorance.” “How did you know where to deliver it?” she asked the mailman. “We were stumped at first,” he admitted. “But then I remembered, ignorance is bliss.” — William De Graf For yourself, a friend, or family member—what could be better than the gift of laughter?

A powerful collection of stories that is at once heart-warming and heart-wrenching as writers offer stories of love in its many forms set against the challenges of modern life. Over the years Reader’s Digest has published stories of couples, families, friends, and even strangers that touch the heartstrings and show ordinary people reaching out and reaching deep within in the name of love. In “To Mend Her Husband’s Heart,” you’ll meet a woman so desperate to keep her husband of thirty-eight years alive, she researches medical literature and finds an experimental gene therapy that just may save his life. In an excerpt from “Rewrites,” Neil Simon tells the heart-wrenching story of his first wife’s battle with cancer and how, when he felt helpless to save her, he bought her the dream house by a lake they had imagined they would enjoy together in their twilight years. You’ll read inspiring marriage proposals from everyday people, stories of love lost and found, and famous love letters that speak to the incredible and lasting power of true love. You’ll meet Joe Hagan in “Red Dad, Blue Son,” who puts his love for his father above his closely held political beliefs; and a mom, Lynn Schnurnberger, (“The Power of Tatoos”) who goes to great lengths, including getting a tattoo, to stay connected with her teenage daughter. In “A Bagful of Dimes,” best-selling author Anne Lamott explains why she makes her son go to church with her. The power of love and forgiveness in friendship is portrayed in the story of Jacquelyn Mitchard and her lifelong friend who repair a falling out in “Friends Interrupted.” The loving bond between human and animal is depicted in the story of Lt. Col. Jay Kopelman (“Semper Fi”) who risks his life to save a dog from a warzone. Finally, in “Dear Superman,” you’ll read letters sent to Christopher Reeve and his family from complete strangers; and in “This Boy’s Life,” you’ll meet a teenage boy, whose generous decision to become an organ donor transforms the lives of scores of strangers. Delve into What They Did for Love and you’ll be moved, touched and inspired to follow your heart wherever it leads—around the world or maybe just around the corner.

More than two dozen timeless favorites from the Reader''s Digest archives. From everyday heroes to larger-than-life characters, small moments to historic events, the unforgettable stories in Reader''s Digest come alive as never before in this keepsake book. Our editors have combed the archives for the narratives—sometimes funny, often poignant, always inspirational—that still strike deep chords today, such as: The gripping tale of a North Carolina woman and her Shepherd, Gandalf, who found a lost Boy Scout in the woods during their first search-and-rescue job The tragic account of the crash of the Columbia Space Shuttle The miracle of the old letter that led to a couple being reunited after nearly 60 years apart The heroic actions of an eighteen-year-old girl who carried a young boy to safety after being pulled out to sea in a riptide The hilarious anecdote about the one exception to humorist Calvin Trillin’s happy childhood, a sickly collie named Chubby Featuring the best of the best fron the present and past, this collection of timeless favorites will thrill your senses, warm your heart, and brighten your day.

It takes 11 years of study to become a doctor-a fact that makes good health sound awfully complicated. But it shouldn''t be! You just need someone to help sort through all the conflicting voices and studies to find the truly great nuggets of wisdom and advice. We''ve done just that! In Health... The Reader''s Digest Version veteran health journalist and book author Joe Kita and the editors of Reader''s Digest magazine distill the best knowledge about health into simple advice you can start using right now. Whether it''s sleeping better, picking a doctor, losing weight, lowering cholesterol, or finding more energy come 8:00 in the evening, here are the proven, simple ways to achieve your goals. Discover specific ways to: Live to be 100 Hang on to your hair Lower stress by 75 percent Get rid of a cold Avoid food-borne illness Prevent diabetes Outsmart a restaurant menu Heal yourself with mind power Assess alternative therapies End back pain forever

A collection of words of wisdom, wry witticisms, provocative opinions, and inspiring reflectionsfrom Benjamin Franklin to Colin Powell, Abraham Lincoln to Mother Teresa, Margaret Mead to Garrison Keillor. From one of the most popular features of Reader''s Digest magazine. /SECTION

People are funny, but so are the animals we love-and our day-to-day relationships with them can be even more entertaining. Dogs and cats obviously rule the comedic roost, but parrots, parakeets, and other talking birds are often an endless source of amusement as well. Even our connection to bunnies, hamsters, and the occasional white rat can evoke a good laugh. The 500-plus pet anecdotes, cartoons, and quotes in Laughter Is The Best Medicine: Those Lovable Pets have been collected from more than eight decades'' worth of Reader''s Digest magazines and are guaranteed to cheer up your day. You''ll meet the woman whose dog trembled at the "Beware of Dog" sign in their front yard until she told him, "Relax! It''s you!"; the vet whose advice to a woman whose cat had swallowed lots of unpopped popcorn was, "first, keep him out of the sun"; the mother-in-law who concealed her way-too-plump piglet''s weight loss pills in ice cream; and much more. Our furry or fine feathered friends not only warm our hearts but also amuse us (and our joke writers, too) with their antics-one reason, no doubt, the market for this book is so vast: At the minimum, 40 percent of American households own at least one pet.

Lighten up and laugh your way through the 9-to-5 grind with this mix of hilarious wisecracks, uproarious one-liners, full-color cartoons, and quotations from famous (and not-so-famous) wits. The hundreds of jokes and quips in Laughter the Best Medicine @ Work have been collected from more than eight decades’ worth of Reader’s Digest magazines and are guaranteed to brighten up your workday. You’ll find everything from outrageous resumes to creative excuses for calling in sick. So whether you suffer from an e-mail gone wrong, an irritating coworker, or a dreadful boss, you’ll see that laughter is the best medicine for all your work woes. A survey sent out to our contractors posed the question, “What motivates you to come to work every day?” One guy answered, “Probation officer.” —E. Hewitt One of the less difficult blanks to fill in on our job-agency application is "Position Wanted." One job seeker wrote "Sitting." —Flo Traywick, Lynchburg, Virginia What do you call twin policemen? Copies. —Tyler Meason My sister Angela was impressed by a job applicant''s confidence. "How will you gain your coworkers'' respect?" she asked. The reply: "Mainly through my misdemeanor." —Gretchen Duff, Bethlehem, Pennsylvania My laptop was driving me crazy. “The A, E, and I keys always stick,” I complained to a friend. She quickly diagnosed the problem. “Your computer is suffering from irritable vowel syndrome.” —Angie Bulakites My coworker at the hotel was miserable at his job and was desperately searching for a new one. "Why don''t you work for your mother?" I suggested. He shook his head. "I can''t," he said. "Her company has a very strict policy against hiring relatives." "Who made up that ridiculous rule?" "My mother." —Doug Barilla, Milwaukee, Wisconsin

The Digest Diet is a 21-day weight-loss plan based on groundbreaking science that targets surprising fat increasers in three key areas—eating, environment and exercise—and gives you the tools you need to turn the tables and shift your body into fat release mode. The Digest Diet is a 21-day weight-loss plan based on groundbreaking science and newly discovered foods and habits that help your body to release fat. Reader’s Digest sifted through all the weight-loss science to pick the foods, recipes, and habits that truly slim you down quickly and safely. We reviewed cutting-edge nutrition advances and myth-busting articles. We discovered some new reasons fat creeps on—and reliable ways to get it to fade away quickly. The Digest Diet targets surprising fat increasers in three key areas—eating, environment and exercise—and gives you the tools you need to turn the tables and shift your body into fat release mode. The eating plan is organized in three basic stages: Fast Release, Fade Away, and Finish Strong. Every phase loads you up on fat releasers. But the calorie and macronutrient ratios shift in each so as to maximize fat release—and results! Fast Release (12-minute exercise routine) is a four-day fat releasing jump start. The Fat-Release Workout combines both strength training and HIIT (high intensity interval training) into a 12-minute workout that’s amazingly effective for fat burn and muscle growth. Fade Away transitions you into lean proteins and micronutrient-rich greens. For this 10-day stretch, you continue to have a shake a day, but the lean-and-green focus gives your body what it needs to help you release fat and build muscle, while lowering your intake of carbohydrates for faster fat fade. Finish Strong is the last week of the plan. The meals and recipes show you how to enjoy a balanced, healthy, wholefoods diet rich in fat releasers. The Digest Diet provides a list of 13 fat releasers, which include Vitamin C, Calcium, Protein and Coconut Oil, as well as an easy cheat sheet of fat releasing foods that can be eaten during the diet, such as broccoli, grapefruit, mozzarella cheese, almonds, fish, beef, red wine, dark chocolate and avocados, to name a few. Inside the Digest Diet, you will also find a 21 day meal-plan, 50 fat releasing recipes with full color photos, a 12 minute fat release workout, a fat release workout calendar, before and after success stories, “laugh it off” sidebars to help keep perspective and sanity, and a free online destination for tips, videos, shopping lists and daily food and exercise journals to help make your weight loss goals easy and achievable. www.digestdiet.com To prove the 21-day eating plan truly works, we put a dozen men and women on the diet—and their results will astound and inspire you. Our top tester lost 26 pounds in 3 weeks!

The Editors of Reader’s Digest present the definitive A-Z guide to vegetables and how to grow and use them. This complete illustrated guide to vegetables unlocks the secrets of nature’s bounty with comprehensive information on the planting, harvesting, and storing of vegetables, together with a wealth of great ideas for using them in cooking, healthcare, crafts, vegetable dyes, home products, beauty treatments, and more.

The old adage truth is stranger than fiction can also be construed as truth is funnier than fiction and we see no shortage of real people doing and saying dumb things and making us laugh in the process. The Editors of Reader’s Digest present a hilarious collection of dumb people doing dumb things. Every day in America we are bombarded by stupidity; sometimes we just shake our heads, but most of the time we get a good laugh out of the really dumb things people do and say. In our first collection of dumb stories we poke a little fun at the unbelievably dumb things that happen in our lives and have a good chuckle along the way. “You’re a dumb criminal if…You’re not picky about your office locations. Christopher Exley of Everett, Washington, was arrested for conducting a drug deal over the phone—in the bathroom of the Everett Police Department.” “During my brother-in-law’s first performance review, his boss said, “I’m not quite sure what it is you do here. But whatever it is, could you do it faster?” --Jeanie Waara, Philip, SD “In an attempt to balance work and motherhood, I delegated the grocery shopping to my young babysitter. But the job proved a tad daunting. One day while I was at work, she texted me from the supermarket. “Can’t find Brillo pads,” she wrote. “All they have are Tampax and Kotex.” --Kimberly Clark, Alpharetta, GA “I overheard an elderly gentleman tell his friend that he couldn’t meet him the next day because he had to go to the hospital for an autopsy. His friend was sympathetic: “I had one of those last year. Luckily it wasn’t serious.” --Tracy Moralee, Hitchin, Great Britain

Foods That Harm Foods That Heal Cookbook is a collection of over 250 recipes to beat disease and help us live longer. The book also includes a summary of nearly 100 healing foods from Foods That Harm Foods That Heal book. Foods That Harm Foods That HealFoods That Harm Foods That Heal Cookbook. In this all-new companion to Foods That Harm Foods That Heal, you’ll find: An A-Z summary of the almost 100 healing foods from the main book, complete with buying, storing, and cooking tips. 300 scrumptious recipes, each featuring at least 3 healing foods. Sample daily meal plans for almost 100 common ailments, from arthritis to heart disease.

An updated edition, now fully illustrated and in color, of the classic guide to using common household items to replace, restore, repair, or revive almost anything in your household—including yourself. When you have a household problem, don’t run to the store and waste good money, just open your pantry door—and EXTRAORDINARY USES FOR ORDINARY THINGS. You’ll be amazed at what you can do with baby oil, bleach, duct tape, tea, rubbing alcohol, and dozens of other handy items. This book will open your eyes to more than 2,000 creative and helpful uses you can make of familiar household products, such as: • Aspirin can revive a dead car battery and a coating of petroleum jelly will keep the battery’s terminals from corroding • A dab of shaving cream can keep your bathroom mirror from fogging and can remove juice stains on carpeting • Petroleum jelly makes a great lip balm, makeup remover, and moisturizer • A turkey baster is the perfect tool for watering Christmas trees and hard-to-reach plants • Beer can be combed through your hair as a setting lotion, used as lure to trap insects, and polish gold jewelry • Sandpaper can be used to sharpen needles and scissors, roughen slippery soles of new shoes, remove ink stains and scuff marks from suede, and remove stains on grout lines • Wax paper will prevent a cast-iron skillet from rusting, restore the nonstick surface on your iron, and use on the bottom of a microwave when cooking messy foods. If you hate to throw things away or if you delight in dreaming up new ways to use ordinary items, then you’ll love the ideas in this book. You’ll be amazed at the problems you can solve. It’s a book you’ll be sure to turn to again and again for helpful ideas, trustworthy advice, and entertaining reading.

Alive! is a heart-stopping collection of survival stories from the archives of Reader’s Digest’s ‘Drama in Real Life’ series. Readers will be on the edge of their seats as they are drawn into the dramatic tales of everyday people suddenly cast into life or death situations. Editors have mined the Reader’s Digest archives to bring readers Alive! Extraordinary Stories of Ordinary People Who Survived Deadly Tornadoes, Avalanches, Shipwrecks and More. In “Super Storm,” Rick Gregory, an off-duty patrolman watches an F3 tornado ravage his small Tennessee town where split-second decisions make the difference between life and death. In “Avalanche!” Luke Edgar, a young father and backcountry snowboarder goes out with a buddy for a fun day on Mt. Rainier and gets buried alive in an avalanche. “Swarm,” tells the story of the Walker family, out for a day trip in the Florida marsh when they get entangled in a yellow-jacket nest. The mother, Debbie, fighting anaphylactic shock must leave her injured husband and children in order to find help as time runs out. Adventure writer Tim Cahill recounts how he barely survives the extreme heat of Death Valley despite his experience as an outdoorsman in “Across the Valley of Fire”; and in “Pacific Cyclone,” Tony Farrington tells the harrowing story of the crews of three sailboats who run into an unimaginable storm in the normally calm South Pacific. Whether out on a planned adventure or simply in the wrong place at the wrong time, the heroes of these stories are connected by their fierce desire to survive against all odds. Wildfires, blizzards, attacks by grizzlies, jet crashes in the jungle, are just some of the conditions people face in these stories of survival. Readers will be on the edge of their seats as they follow adventurers and laymen alike as they face down nature’s fury in the most extreme circumstances, and find strength they didn’t know they had, proving the depth and resilience of the human spirit. As Tim Cahill so elegantly puts it, “Then I knew, really knew, that there is a way to get from one extreme to the other, the peaks and valleys. And there is a beauty so fierce only savage emotions like fear and triumph allow us to see it.”

This hilarious collection offers up some of the funniest moments that get us through our day, in the form of jokes, gags and cartoons that will have readers laughing out loud. Editors have mined the Reader’s Digest archives to bring readers Laughter the Best Medicine, All-Time Faves, a collection of the most hilarious jokes and anecdotes we’ve come across over the years. As you turn the pages of our newest collection, you’ll realize once again that laughter is always the best medicine. “Did you hear the one about the hitchhiker who never got anywhere? He’d get up early to avoid traffic.” --Chuck Welch, Houston, TX “When my husband was a home builder, his thumb ended up on the business end of a sledgehammer, and our three-year-old daughter, Kiana, was eager to tell the entire world. When her caregiver asked how the accident had happened, Kiana shook her head sadly and said, “You know, sometimes at work, my daddy just gets hammered.” --Stasia Uhlmann, Rocky Mountain House, Canada “After one of my students acted up, I took him to our school psychiatrist, who asked if he had ADHD. “No,” said the boy. “I just have a normal TV.” –Matthew Hughes, Fort Collins, CO “I’ve been told that when you meet the right person, you know immediately. How come when you meet the wrong person, it takes a year and a half?” --Comedian Phil Hanley