New Releases by Lemony Snicket

NOW A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES Lemony Snicket’s unhappy tale of the unlucky Baudelaire siblings begins with The Bad Beginning. In this short bothersome book alone, the three orphans encounter a greedy and repulsive villain, itchy clothing, a disastrous fire, a plot to steal their fortune, and cold porridge for breakfast. Should you not mind deadly serpents, slippery salamanders, lumpy beds, large brass reading lamps, lng knives, and terrible odors, then proceed with caution to the second book in the miserable series, The Reptile Room. Readers unbothered by inclement weather, hungry leeches, and cold cucumber soup will want to continue with the third installment, The Wide Window. Others will not. If you’ve got the stomach to wade through the first three tragic tales in Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events, then this troubling collection might be the one for you. Several loathsome extras, including a compilation of unsettling quotations and a very disturbing portrait, await those who successfully complete the wretched journey. You’ve been warned!

There′s dreadful news from the symphony hall-the composer is dead! If you have ever heard an orchestra play, then you know that musicians are most certainly guilty of something. Where exactly were the violins on the night in question? Did anyone see the harp? Is the trumpet protesting a bit too boisterously? In this perplexing murder mystery, everyone seems to have a motive, everyone has an alibi, and nearly everyone is a musical instrument. But the composer is still dead. Perhaps you can solve the crime yourself. Join the Inspector as he interrogates all the unusual suspects. Then listen to the accompanying audio recording featuring Lemony Snicket and the music of Nathaniel Stookey performed by the San Francisco Symphony. Hear for yourself exactly what took place on that fateful, well-orchestrated evening.

Endnu en gang har de forældreløse Beaudelaire-børns formueforvalter Hr. Poe overset en trussel: Den nye plejefamilie med den smarte kæmpebolig på 66. etage uden elevator, Esmé og Jerome Squalor, er ikke helt hvad de giver sig ud for. Og hvad med den onde grev Olaf?

NOW A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES As the three Baudelaire orphans warily approach their new home Prufrock Preparatory School, they can''t help but notice the enormous stone arch bearing the school''s motto Memento Mori or "Remember you will die." This is not a cheerful greeting and certainly marks an inauspicious beginning to a very bleak story just as we have come to expect from Lemony Snicket''s A Series of Unfortunate Events, the deliciously morbid set of books that began with The Bad Beginning and only got worse.

NOW A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire are intelligent children. They are charming, and resourceful, and have pleasant facial features. Unfortunately, they are exceptionally unlucky. In the first two books alone, the three youngsters encounter a greedy and repulsive villain, itchy clothing, a disastrous fire, a plot to steal their fortune, a lumpy bed, a deadly serpent, a large brass reading lamp, a long knife, and a terrible odour. In the tradition of great storytellers, from Dickens to Dahl, comes an exquisitely dark comedy that is both literary and irreverent, hilarious and deftly crafted. Never before has a tale of three likeable and unfortunate children been quite so enchanting, or quite so uproariously unhappy.

NOW A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES In their most daring misadventure, the Baudelaire orphans are adopted by very, very rich people, whose penthouse apartment is located mysteriously close to the place where all their misfortune began. Even though their new home in the city is fancy, and the children are clever and charming, I''m sorry to say that still, the unlucky orphans will encounter more disaster and woe. In fact, in this sixth book in A Series of Unfortunate Events, the children will experience a darkened staircase, a red herring, an auction, parsley soda, some friends in a dire situation, a secret passageway, and pinstripe suits. Both literary and irreverent, hilarious and deftly crafted, A Series of Unfortunate Events offers an exquisitely dark comedy in the tradition of Edward Gorey and Roald Dahl. Lemon Snicket''s uproariously unhappy books continue to win readers, despite all his warnings.

NOW A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES Dear Reader, You have undoubtedly picked up this book by mistake, so please put it down. Nobody in their right mind would read this particular book about the lives of Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire on purpose, because each dismal moment of their stay in the village of V.F.D. has been faithfully and dreadfully recorded in these pages. I can think of no single reason why anyone would want to open a book containing such unpleasant matters as migrating crows, an angry mob, a newspaper headline, the arrest of innocent people, the Deluxe Cell, and some very strange hats. It is my solemn and sacred occupation to research each detail of the Baudelaire children''s lives and write them all down, but you may prefer to do some other solemn and sacred thing, such as reading another book instead. With all due respect, Lemony Snicket

A ''biography'' of Lemony Snicket, the mysterious, enigmatic chronicler of A Series of Unfortunate Events.

Lemony Snicket''s work is filled with bitter truths, like: ''It is always cruel to laugh at people, of course, although sometimes if they are wearing an ugly hat it is hard to control yourself.'' Or: ''It is very easy to say that the important thing is to try your best, but if you are in real trouble the most important thing is not trying your best, but getting to safety.'' For all of life''s ups and downs, its celebrations and its sorrows, here is a book to commemorate it all - especially for those not fully soothed by chicken soup. Witty and irreverent, Horseradish is a book with universal appeal, a delightful vehicle to introduce Snicket''s uproariously unhappy observations to a crowd not yet familiar with the Baudelaires'' misadventures.

Dear Listener, You are presumably looking at the back of this audiobook, or the end of the end. The end of the end is the best place to begin the end, because if you listen to the end from the beginning of the beginning of the end to the end of the end of the end, you will arrive at the end of the end of your rope. This audiobook is the last in A Series of Unfortunate Events, and even if you braved the previous twelve volumes, you probably can''t stand such unpleasantries as a fearsome storm, a suspicious beverage, a herd of wild sheep, an enormous bird cage, and a truly haunting secret about the Baudelaire parents. I also shouldn''t mention the features of the interactive CD, which include: Perplexing word games Photos from The Lemony Snicket Archives Art from The Brett Helquist gallery It has been my solemn occupation to complete the history of the Baudelaire orphans, and at last I am finished. You likely have some other occupation, so if I were you I would drop this audiobook at once, so the end does not finish you. With all due respect, Lemony Snicket

Presents a collection of correspondence between Lemony Snicket and the mysterious Beatrice.

Readers incapable of running fast enough to escape Lemony Snicket''s A Series of Unfortunate Events can breathe a sigh of relief now that the first six books of the series have been securely contained in a shrink-wrapped box disguised with exquisite Brett Helquist art that will prevent this collection of woe from falling into the wrong hands. The set includes: The Grim Grotto, The Slippery Slope and The Penultimate Peril.

After the sudden death of their parents, the three Baudelaire children must depend on each other and their wits when it turns out that the distant relative who is appointed their guardian is determined to use any means necessary to get their fortune. Illustrations.

Tie–in books for the feel–bad movie of the year!

Tie–in books for the feel–bad movie of the year!

Tie–in books for the feel–bad movie of the year!

Klaus and Violet attempt to follow their sister, who is trapped by Count Olaf in a car driving fast up the mountain. First they must stop the caravan they are travelling in hurtling over a cliff.

The eleventh grim installment in the series. Prepare yourself to hear more about the mystery of VFD than you really want to know.

Klaus and Violet Baudelaire meet a person who helps them try to rescue Sunny from Count Olaf and his henchmen.

Imagine tales so terrible that as many as fifty million innocents have been ruined by them – tales so indelibly horrid that the New York Times bestseller list has been unable to rid itself of them for seven years. Now imagine if this scourge suddenly became available in a shameful new edition so sensational, so irresistible, so riddled with lurid new pictures that even a common urchin would wish for it. Who among us would be safe? Begin at the beginning – evenif it is a bad one – with the first in A Series of Unfortunate Events, now even more disposable in paperback!

WARNING: LISTENING TO THIS TAPE WILL ONLY MAKE YOU WEEP... Dear Listener, If you are looking for a story about cheerful youngsters spending a jolly time at boarding school, look elsewhere. Violet, Klaus and Sunny Baudelaire are intelligent and resourceful children, and you might expect that they would do very well at school. Don''t. For the Baudelaires, school turns out to be another miserable episode in their unlucky lives. Truth be told, within the chapters that make up this dreadful story, the children will face snapping crabs, strict punishments, dripping fungus, comprehensive exams, violin recitals. S.O.R.E., and the metric system. It is my solemn duty to stay up all night reading my history of these three hapless youngsters into a microphone, but you may be more comfortable getting a good night''s sleep. In that case, you should probably listen to something else. With all due respect, LEMONY SNICKET

A Warning from the Publisher: Many readers have questions about Lemony Snicket, author of the distressing serial concerning the trials of the charming but unlucky Baudelaire orphans, published under the collective title A Series of Unfortunate Events. Before purchasing, borrowing, or stealing this book, you should be aware that it contains the answers to some of those questions, such as the following: 1. Who is Lemony? 2. Is there a secret organization I should know about? 3. Why does Lemony Snicket spend his time researching and writing distressing books concerning the Baudelaire orphans? 4. Why do all of Lemony Snicket''s books contain a sad dedication to a woman named Beatrice? 5. If there''s nothing out there, what was that noise? Our advice to you is that you find a book that answers less upsetting questions than this one. Perhaps your librarian, bookseller, or parole officer can recommend a book that answers the question, "Aren''t ponies adorable?"

A Series of Unfortunate Events.

On the run as suspected murderers, the unlucky Baudelaire orphans find themselves trapped in the Caligari Carnival, where they must masquerade as freaks in order to hide from the evil Count Olaf.

The next instalment in the A Series of Unfortunate Events collection. A word from Lemony Snicket ... Dear Reader, Before you throw this awful story to the ground and run as far away from it as possible, you should probably know why. This is the only one which describes every last detail of the Baudelaire children′s miserable stay at Heimlich Hospital, which makes it one of the most dreadful books in the world. There are many pleasant things to read about, but this story contains none of them. Contained within are such burdensome details as misleading newspaper headlines, unnecessary surgery, an intercom system, anaesthesia, heart-shaped balloons, and some very startling news about such things. With all due respect, Lemony Snicket.

Accidents, evil plots, and general misfortune abound when, in their continuing search for a home, the Beaudelaire orphans are sent to live and work in a sinister lumber mill.

Accidentes, calamidades y desventuras siguen en las vidas desdichadas de los huerfanos Baudelaire cuando estan enviados a vivir y trabajar en un aserradero sinistro.