New Releases by Lemony Snicket

Beware of bad things in beautiful packages! The book that launched the New York Times bestselling Series of Unfortunate Events is getting an unbelievable transformation. In this limited-run deluxe edition, The Bad Beginning will receive a luxurious leather lamination cover with gold foil stamping, full-color digital edges and endpapers, and bonus content written by the elusive Lemony Snicket and illustrated by his esteemed associate, Mr. Brett Helquist. Imagine, if you will, a series of tales so terrible that over 50 million innocent minds have been ruined by them--stories so indelibly horrid that the world has remained rapt for more than a quarter of a disturbed century. Now visualize this scourge on society being suddenly available in a shameful new edition so sensational, so irresistible, so spectacular that Snicket fans and schadenfreude enjoyers from all walks of life will fiend to get their grubby hands upon its newly gilded cover. Lock your doors and hide your little ones, for this is no mere fancy. The reviled Lemony Snicket''s The Bad Beginning--book the first in the Series of Unfortunate Events--may only be available in this wretched yet ravishing edition for a limited time. But Count Olaf has been known to do more harm in the blink of an eye . . . so heed this warning!

Washington Post Bestseller A new stand-alone adventure—appropriate for all ages—by Lemony Snicket, one of the twenty-first century’s most beloved authors. In the years since this publishing house was founded, we have worked with an array of wondrous authors who have brought illuminating clarity to our bewildering world. Now, instead, we bring you Lemony Snicket. Over the course of his long and suspicious career, Mr. Snicket has investigated many things, including villainy, treachery, conspiracy, ennui, and various suspicious fires. In this book, he is investigating his own death. Poison for Breakfast is a different sort of book than others we have published, and from others you may have read. It is different from other books Mr. Snicket has written. It could be said to be a book of philosophy, something almost no one likes, but it is also a mystery, and many people claim to like those. Certainly Mr. Snicket didn’t relish the dreadful task of solving it, but he had no choice. It was put in front of him, right there, on his plate.

NOW A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES Lemony Snicket returns with the last book before the last book of his bestselling A Series of Unfortunate Events. Scream and run away before the secrets of the series are revealed! Very little is known about Lemony Snicket and A Series of Unfortunate Events. What we do know is contained in the following brief list: The books have inexplicably sold millions and millions of copies worldwide People in more than 40 countries are consumed by consuming Snicket The movie was as sad as the books, if not more so Like unrefrigerated butter and fungus, the popularity of these books keeps spreading Even less is known about book the twelfth in this alarming phenomenon. What we do know is contained in the following brief list: In this book, things only get worse Count Olaf is still evil The Baudelaire orphans do not win a contest The title begins with the word ‘The’ Sometimes, ignorance is bliss.

NOW A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES Like bad smells, uninvited weekend guests or very old eggs, there are some things that ought to be avoided. Snicket''s saga about the charming, intelligent, and grossly unlucky Baudelaire orphans continues to alarm its distressed and suspicious fans the world over. The tenth book in this outrageous publishing effort features more than the usual dose of distressing details, such as snow gnats, an organised troupe of youngsters, an evil villain with a dastardly plan, a secret headquarters and some dangerous antics you should not try at home. With the weather turning colder, this is one chilling book you would be better off without.

NOW A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES Everybody loves a carnival! Who can fail to delight in the colourful people, the unworldly spectacle, the fabulous freaks? A carnival is a place for good family fun-as long as one has a family, that is. For the Baudelaire orphans, their time at the carnival turns out to be yet another episode in a now unbearable series of unfortunate events. In fact, in this appalling ninth installment in Lemony Snicket''s serial, the siblings must confront a terrible lie, a caravan, and Chabo the wolf baby. With millions of readers worldwide, and the Baudelaire''s fate turning from unpleasant to unseemly, it is clear that Lemony Snicket has taken nearly all the fun out of children''s books.

NOW A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES Dear Reader, If you have not read anything about the Baudelaire orphans, then before you read even one more sentence, you should know this: Violet, Klaus, and Sunny are kindhearted and quick-witted, but their lives, I am sorry to say, are filled with bad luck and misery. All of the stories about these three children are unhappy and wretched, and this one may be the worst of them all. If you haven''t got the stomach for a story that includes a hurricane, a signalling device, hungry leeches, cold cucumber soup, a horrible villain, and a doll named Pretty Penny, then this book will probably fill you with despair. I will continue to record these tragic tales, for that is what I do. You, however, should decide for yourself whether you can possibly endure this miserable story. With all due respect, Lemony Snicket

NOW A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire are intelligent children. They are charming, and resourceful, and have pleasant facial features. Unfortunately, they are exceptionally unlucky. In the first two books alone, the three youngsters encounter a greedy and repulsive villain, itchy clothing, a disastrous fire, a plot to steal their fortune, a lumpy bed, a deadly serpent, a large brass reading lamp, a long knife, and a terrible odor. In the tradition of great storytellers, from Dickens to Dahl, comes an exquisitely dark comedy that is both literary and irreverent, hilarious and deftly crafted. Never before has a tale of three likeable and unfortunate children been quite so enchanting, or quite so uproariously unhappy.

NOW A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES I hope, for your sake, that you have not chosen to read this book because you are in the mood for a pleasant experience. If this is the case, I advise you to put this book down instantaneously, because of all the books describing the unhappy lives of the Baudelaire orphans, The Miserable Mill might be the unhappiest yet. Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire are sent to Paltryville to work in a lumber mill, and they find disaster and misfortune lurking behind every log. The pages of this book, I''m sorry to inform you, contain such unpleasantries as a giant pincher machine, a bad casserole, a man with a cloud of smoke where his head should be, a hypnotist, a terrible accident resulting in injury, and coupons. I have promised to write down the entire history of these three poor children, but you haven''t, so if you prefer stories that are more heartwarming, please feel free to make another selection. With all due respect, Lemony Snicket

Best to start at the beginning, but the whole’s an enjoyable ride.”—Kirkus Reviews Before the Baudelaires became orphans, before he encountered A Series of Unfortunate Events, even before the invention of Netflix, Lemony Snicket was a boy discovering the mysteries of the world. This is his story. Train travel! Murder! Librarians! A Series Finale! On all other nights, the train departs from Stain''d Station and travels to the city without stopping. But not tonight. You might ask, why is this night different from all other nights? But that''s the wrong question. Instead ask, where is this all heading? And what happens at the end of the line? Will the final book in Lemony Snicket''s bestselling series, All the Wrong Questions offer any answers? "Snicket...closes his quartet of smart, noirish mysteries...with several bangs (and a poison dart or two). Most questions (wrong and right) are answered by the satisfying close."—Kirkus Reviews

Young Lemony Snicket and his mentor investigate a string of suspicious fires in this third entry in the thrilling mystery adventure series for young readers. “Can an apprentice in a certain secret organization keep his associates safe and save a dying town—or is that one of the wrong questions? . . . Linguistic play and literary allusions abound in this smart, slyly humorous noir thriller. Fans will be over the moon.” —Kirkus Reviews Before the Baudelaires became orphans, before he encountered A Series of Unfortunate Events, even before the invention of Netflix, Lemony Snicket was a boy discovering the mysteries of the world. This is his story . . . Young apprentice Lemony Snicket is investigating a case of arson but soon finds himself enveloped in the ever-increasing mystery that haunts the town of Stain’d-by-the-Sea. Who is setting the fires? What secrets are hidden in the Department of Education? Why are so many schoolchildren in danger? Is it all the work of a notorious villain? How could you even ask that? These are all the wrong questions. Maybe you should be in school? The mystery continues in Why Is This Night Different from All Other Nights?, which is available now.

★ "Fans of A Series of Unfortunate Events will be in heaven."―Kirkus Reviews, starred review Before the Baudelaires became orphans, before he encountered A Series of Unfortunate Events, even before the invention of Netflix, Lemony Snicket was a boy discovering the mysteries of the world. This is his story. In the fading town of Stain’d-by-the-Sea, young apprentice Lemony Snicket has a new case to solve when he and his chaperone are hired to find a missing girl. Is the girl a runaway? Or was she kidnapped? Was she seen last at the grocery store? Or could she have stopped at the diner? Is it really any of your business? These are All The Wrong Questions. The mystery continues in Shouldn’t You Be in School? and Why Is This Night Different from All Other Nights?, both available now.

Young Lemony Snicket and his mentor tackle thirteen mini-mysteries in this companion book to the delightful mystery adventure series for young readers. “13 case files reminiscent of Donald Sobol’s Two-Minute Mysteries. . . . Whodunit aficionados will want to revisit again and again.” —School Library Journal Before the Baudelaires became orphans, before he encountered A Series of Unfortunate Events, even before the invention of Netflix, Lemony Snicket was a boy discovering the mysteries of the world . . . Paintings have been falling off of walls, a loud and loyal dog has gone missing, a specter has been seen walking the pier at midnight—strange things are happening all over the town of Stain’d-By-The-Sea. Called upon to investigate thirteen suspicious incidents, young Lemony Snicket collects clues, questions witnesses, and cracks every case. Join the investigation and tackle the mysteries alongside Snicket, then turn to the back of the book to see the solution revealed. A delicious read that welcomes readers into Lemony Snicket’s world of deep mystery, mysterious depth, deductive reasoning, and reasonable deductions. “Lemony Snicket meets Encyclopedia Brown. . . . Snicketeers will relish the chance to revisit Lemony and several familiar characters.” —Booklist

Before the Baudelaires became orphans, before he encountered A Series of Unfortunate Events, even before the invention of Netflix, Lemony Snicket was a boy discovering the mysteries of the world. In a fading town, far from anyone he knew or trusted, a young Lemony Snicket began his apprenticeship in an organization nobody knows about. He started by asking questions that shouldn''t have been on his mind. Now he has written an account that should not be published, in four volumes that shouldn''t be read. This is the first volume.

NOW A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES A Warning from the Publisher: Would you rather sprain your ankle, bruise your hip, and lose a toe to frostbite on the same day? Or would you rather have these accidents happen on three different days? This electronic collection of volumes seven through nine in A Series of Unfortunate Events by Lemony Snicket is the e-equivalent of having three ghastly accidents right in a row. Contained here are such unpleasantries as kidnapping, disguise, murder, paperwork, another disguise, heart-shaped balloons, false allegations, stiletto heels, a shattered crystal ball, a cryptic map, an irritating song, and quite a few more disguises, all bundled together into a continuous barrage of horror and dismay. The more sensible approach would be to read The Vile Village, The Hostile Hospital, and The Carnivorous Carnival months or even years apart from one another, so you have time to recuperate from the misery each volume offers—or better yet, to turn your eyes away from Mr. Snicket''s work and find an electronic experience that would cause you no distress whatsoever.

NOW A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES A Warning from the Publisher: Imagine you are wearing a bandage that needs to be removed. Are you the sort of person who tears the bandage right off, causing an enormous amount of pain in a short instance? Or do you prefer to spread your pain out over a longer period of time, by slowly unpeeling the bandage from your injury? If you are the first type of person, then this three-book electronic collection might be for you. All of the misery and woe available in three Lemony Snicket volumes—The Miserable Mill, The Austere Academy, and The Ersatz Elevator—have been joined into one compactly miserable package, so readers foolish enough to read about the Baudelaire orphans can be unnerved in a slightly more economical fashion. If you are the second type of person, then volumes four through six in A Series of Unfortunate Events might be for you. Even if you unwisely choose to read them at a more leisurely pace, you will encounter such atrocities as poorly paid employees, a hypnotist, an evil scheme, a gym teacher, dripping fungus, another evil scheme, a fake accent, three mysterious consonants, a red herring, and at least one more evil scheme. Of course, most people would prefer not to be injured at all. We salute these sensible people, who will doubtless not purchase any books by Lemony Snicket, no matter how conveniently bundled.

NOW A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES Are you made fainthearted by death? Does fire unnerve you? Is a villain something that might crop up in future nightmares of yours? Are you thrilled by nefarious plots? Is cold porridge upsetting to you? Vicious threats? Hooks? Uncomfortable clothing? It is likely that your answers will reveal A Series of Unfortunate Events to be ill-suited for your personal use. A librarian, bookseller, or acquaintance should be able to suggest books more appropriate for your fragile temperament. But to the rarest of readers we say, "Proceed, but cautiously."

Unless you are a slug, a sea anemone or mildew you probably prefer not to be damp. But unfortunately the Beaudelaires encounter an unpleasant amount of dampness as they descend into the depths of despair, underwater.

NOW A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES I hope, for your sake, that you have not chosen to read this book because you are in the mood for a pleasant experience. If this is the case, I advise you to put this book down instantaneously, because of all the books describing the unhappy lives of the Baudelaire orphans, The Miserable Mill might be the unhappiest yet. Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire are sent to Paltryville to work in a lumber mill, and they find disaster and misfortune lurking behind every log. The pages of this book, I''m sorry to inform you, contain such unpleasantries as a giant pincher machine, a bad casserole, a man with a cloud of smoke where his head should be, a hypnotist, a terrible accident resulting in injury, and coupons. I have promised to write down the entire history of these three poor children, but you haven''t, so if you prefer stories that are more heartwarming, please feel free to make another selection. With all due respect, Lemony Snicket

NOW A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire are intelligent children. They are charming, and resourceful, and have pleasant facial features. Unfortunately, they are exceptionally unlucky. In the first two books alone, the three youngsters encounter a greedy and repulsive villain, itchy clothing, a disastrous fire, a plot to steal their fortune, a lumpy bed, a deadly serpent, a large brass reading lamp, a long knife, and a terrible odour. In the tradition of great storytellers, from Dickens to Dahl, comes an exquisitely dark comedy that is both literary and irreverent, hilarious and deftly crafted. Never before has a tale of three likeable and unfortunate children been quite so enchanting, or quite so uproariously unhappy.

NOW A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES The Baudelaires need a safe place to stay—somewhere far away from terrible villains and local police. A quiet refuge where misfortune never visits. Might Heimlich Hospital be just the place? In Lemony Snicket''s eighth ghastly installment in A Series of Unfortunate Events, I''m sorry to say that the Baudelaire orphans will spend time in a hospital where they risk encountering a misleading newspaper headline, unnecessary surgery, an intercom system, anesthesia, heart-shaped balloons, and some very startling news about a fire.

Dear Listener, You are presumably looking at the back of this audiobook, or the end of the end. The end of the end is the best place to begin the end, because if you listen to the end from the beginning of the beginning of the end to the end of the end of the end, you will arrive at the end of the end of your rope. This audiobook is the last in A Series of Unfortunate Events, and even if you braved the previous twelve volumes, you probably can''t stand such unpleasantries as a fearsome storm, a suspicious beverage, a herd of wild sheep, an enormous bird cage, and a truly haunting secret about the Baudelaire parents. I also shouldn''t mention the features of the interactive CD, which include: Perplexing word games Photos from The Lemony Snicket Archives Art from The Brett Helquist gallery It has been my solemn occupation to complete the history of the Baudelaire orphans, and at last I am finished. You likely have some other occupation, so if I were you I would drop this audiobook at once, so the end does not finish you. With all due respect, Lemony Snicket

Readers incapable of running fast enough to escape Lemony Snicket''s A Series of Unfortunate Events can breathe a sigh of relief now that the first six books of the series have been securely contained in a shrink-wrapped box disguised with exquisite Brett Helquist art that will prevent this collection of woe from falling into the wrong hands. The set includes: The Grim Grotto, The Slippery Slope and The Penultimate Peril.

Warning: Your day will become very dark - and possibly damp - if you read this book. Plan to spend this spring in hiding. Lemony Snicket is back with the eleventh book in his New York Times bestselling A Series of Unfortunate Events. Lemony Snicket''s saga about the charming, intelligent and grossly unlucky Baudelaire orphans continues to provoke suspicion and despair in readers the world over. In the eleventh and most alarming volume yet in the bestselling phenomenon A Series of Unfortunate Events, the intrepid siblings delve further into the dark mystery surrounding the death of their parents and the baffling VFD organisation. Ages 9+

Klaus and Violet attempt to follow their sister, who is trapped by Count Olaf in a car driving fast up the mountain. First they must stop the caravan they are travelling in hurtling over a cliff.

Imagine tales so terrible that as many as fifty million innocents have been ruined by them – tales so indelibly horrid that the New York Times bestseller list has been unable to rid itself of them for seven years. Now imagine if this scourge suddenly became available in a shameful new edition so sensational, so irresistible, so riddled with lurid new pictures that even a common urchin would wish for it. Who among us would be safe? Begin at the beginning – evenif it is a bad one – with the first in A Series of Unfortunate Events, now even more disposable in paperback!

A Warning from the Publisher: Many readers have questions about Lemony Snicket, author of the distressing serial concerning the trials of the charming but unlucky Baudelaire orphans, published under the collective title A Series of Unfortunate Events. Before purchasing, borrowing, or stealing this book, you should be aware that it contains the answers to some of those questions, such as the following: 1. Who is Lemony? 2. Is there a secret organization I should know about? 3. Why does Lemony Snicket spend his time researching and writing distressing books concerning the Baudelaire orphans? 4. Why do all of Lemony Snicket''s books contain a sad dedication to a woman named Beatrice? 5. If there''s nothing out there, what was that noise? Our advice to you is that you find a book that answers less upsetting questions than this one. Perhaps your librarian, bookseller, or parole officer can recommend a book that answers the question, "Aren''t ponies adorable?"

Under a new government program based on the saying "It takes a village to raise a child," the Baudelaire orphans are adopted by an entire town, with disastrous results.

Dear Reader, If you have not read anything about the Baudelaire orphans, then before you read even one more sentence, you should know this: Violet, Klaus, and Sunny are kindhearted and quick-witted, but their lives, I am sorry to say, are filled with bad luck and misery. All of the stories about these three children are unhappy and wretched, and this one may be the worst of them all.If you haven''t got the stomach for a story that includes a hurricane, a signalling device, hungry leeches, cold cucumber soup, a horrible villain, and a doll named Pretty Penny, then this book will probably fill you with despair.I will continue to record these tragic tales, for that is what I do. You, however, should decide for yourself whether you can possibly endure this miserable story. With all due respect, Lemony Snicket

Second copy.

As the three Baudelaire orphans warily approach their new home Prufrock Preparatory School : they can''t help but notice the enormous stone arch bearing the school''s motto Memento Mori or "Remember you will die." This is not a cheerful greeting and certainly marks an inauspicious beginning to a very bleak story just as we have come to expect from Lemony Snickett''s Series of Unfortunate Events, the deliciously morbid set of books that began with The Bad Beginning and only got worse.