Best Selling Books by Don Calame

The sampler includes chapters from three of Don Calame’s hilarious novels: Swim the Fly, Beat the Band, and Call the Shots. Swim the Fly Three adolescent boys with a single goal: see a real live naked girl. The result? Razor-sharp, rapid-fire, and raunchy, of course. And beyond hilarious. Beat the Band Get ready for riffs on hot girls, health class, and social hell! The outrageously funny boys from Swim the Fly return to rock their sophomore year. Call the Shots And . . . action! As the uproarious trio returns, sensitive Sean takes the spotlight — scripting a low-low-budget film while fielding unexpected female fans.

From screenwriter Don Calame comes another outrageously funny and raunchy tale of teen boys whose plans go awry — this time, on a survivalist camping trip. Shy and scrawny Dan Weekes spends his time creating graphic novels inspired by his dream girl and looking out for his mom as she dates every man in the state of California. Then his mom drops a bomb: she and her latest beau, Hank, are engaged, and she’s sending her “two favorite men” on a survivalist camping trip to “bond.” Determined to trick Hank into showing his true — flawed — colors on the trip, Dan and his nerdy germaphobe best friend, Charlie, prepare a series of increasingly gross and embarrassing pranks. But the boys hadn’t counted on a hot girl joining their trip or on getting separated from their wilderness guide—not to mention the humiliating injuries Dan suffers in the course of terrorizing his stepdad-to-be. With a man-hungry bear on their trail, no supplies, and a lot of unpleasant itching going on, can Dan see his plan through now that his very survival depends on Hank?

In addition to the pact he made with his two best friends to see a naked girl by the end of summer, 15-year-old Matt Gratton is even more determined to impress the star of the swim team, Kelly West, with his athletic abilities and so makes a personal goal to swim the 100-yard butterfly in order to catch her eye.

Since his girlfriend broke up with him last summer, Sean''s been on a starvation diet where girls are concerned. However, he''s got other things on his mind. Like how to stop the soon-to-be-born family addition from stealing his room and making him share with his evil twin sister. When Coop suggests making a cheap-ass horror film to bring in the bucks he''s a bit sceptical, but Coop is nothing if not persuasive . . . ''Zonkey!'' (a tale of ''half-man, half-monkey drones that mutate into hairy uncontrollable zombie-monsters with a thirst for human blood'') is born. Join Coop, Sean and Matt in this hilarious sequel to SWIM THE FLY and BEAT THE BAND.

Quinn’s illusions are as good as those in any Vegas act—but can he win a spot at a prestigious magic camp despite an upstaging partner, a cute rival, and a con-artist mentor? Fifteen-year-old Quinn Purcell wants only one thing: to win a coveted spot at the Masters of Magic Fantasy Camp. But the competition is stiff, including Dani Darling, an incredibly talented, and incredibly attractive, rival magician who prestidigitates her way into Quinn’s heart—unless that’s just another of her tricks. To make matters worse, Quinn and his best friend, Perry, have always performed their magic as a team, but the judges want solo acts, and a two-man audition might disqualify them. When Quinn meets his idol, the Dazzling Lazlo, at a diner, it seems like a sign. If he can convince Lazlo to spill the secrets to his greatest trick, then the spot at the camp is all but Quinn’s. But is the washed-up magician just using Quinn to run a few scams? When the chips are down, what will Quinn risk—his best friend, his new crush, or his career as a magician? Hilarious and fast-paced, Don Calame’s latest novel is full of complicated magic tricks and equally complicated friendships.

Get ready for riffs on hot girls, health class, and social hell! The outrageously funny boys from Swim the Fly return to rock their sophomore year. In this hilarious sequel to Swim the Fly, told from Coop’s point of view, it’s the beginning of the school year, and the tenth-grade health class must work in pairs on semester-long projects. Matt and Sean get partnered up (the jerks), but Coop is matched with the infamous "Hot Dog" Helen for a presentation on safe sex. Everybody’s laughing, except for Coop, who’s convinced that the only way to escape this social death sentence is to win "The Battle of the Bands" with their group, Arnold Murphy’s Bologna Dare. There’s just one problem: none of the guys actually plays an instrument. Will Coop regain his "cool" before it’s too late? Or will the forced one-on-one time with Helen teach him a lesson about social status he never saw coming? With ribald humor and a few sweet notes, screenwriter-turned-novelist Don Calame once again hits all the right chords.