Most Popular Books by Dave Barry

Contains the complete and unabridged texts of: Dave Barry''s guide to marriage and/or sex, Babies and other hazards of sex, Stay fit and healthy until you''re dead, and Claw your way to the top.

"Mr. Barry is the funniest man in America and we should encourage him." --The New York Times Book Review THERE''S NO PLACE LIKE HOME--EXCEPT IN A SELLER''S MARKET At long last, Dave Barry, the dean of everything, lets you in on the deepest, darkest mysteries of life and answers your hysterical home purchase questions like they''ve never been answered before: What''s the best way to determine a realistic price range? Take your total family income, including coins that have fallen behind the bureau, and any projected future revenue you have been notified about via personalized letters from Mr. Ed McMahon stating that you may already have won 14 million dollars. Then, multiply by something other than six. Can you recommend a good mortgage? There are several kinds: Fixed Rate, Variable Rate, and the bank''s secret weapons, the Party Hat Mortgage and the Mortgage of the Living Dead. How can I avoid spending money on do-it-yourself homeowner''s projects? Find a contractor. Their silent motto is "We Never Show Up." The Romans lived among the ruins. You must too. Is there a secret to having a beautiful lawn? Yes and no. If you fail to feed, fertilize, and water your lawn, it will die. However, if you feed, fertilize, and water your lawn, it will die.

When an earthquake strikes Neverland Island, things quickly go very wrong. The Lost Boys'' underground hideaway is flooded, forcing them to leave. Meanwhile a mysterious barrel washes ashore and falls into the hands of the pirates. When their leader, Captain Hook, finds out what''s in the barrel, he hatches an evil plan. But worst of all is the change in the mermaids. These once-peaceful friends of the natives have turned violent, using their needle-sharp teeth to attack anybody who goes into the water. When they injure some members of the native Mollusk tribe, the Mollusk leader, Fighting Prawn, feels he has no choice but to fight back. As the warriors prepare to attack, the Lost Boys and the chief''s daughters, Shining Pearl and Little Scallop, set off on a secret mission to try to make peace with the mermaids. Instead they''re captured by the mermaids, and while in captivity they discover the cause of the problem – the Blood Tide, which is poisoning the lagoon and will eventually kill the mermaids. With time running out, they must try to stop the tide and save the mermaids, as well as themselves. But to do so, they must deal with Captain Hook, whose plan threatens to destroy the Mollusk village and change life on Neverland Island forever.

A hilarious parody of the Passover Haggadah from three award-winning comedy writers.

At long last, Dave Barry, the dean of everything, lets you in on the deepest, darkest mysteries of life and answers your hysterical home purchase questions like they''ve never been answered before: What''s the best way to determine a realistic price range? Take your total family income, including coins that have fallen behind the bureau, and any projected future revenue you have been notified about via personalized letters from Mr. Ed McMahon stating that you may already have won 14 million dollars. Then, multiply by something other than six. Can you recommend a good mortgage? There are several kinds: Fixed Rate, Variable Rate, and the bank''s secret weapons, the Party Hat Mortgage and the Mortgage of the Living Dead. How can I avoid spending money on do-it-yourself homeowner''s projects? Find a contractor. Their silent motto is "We Never Show Up." The Romans lived among the ruins. You must too. Is there a secret to having a beautiful lawn? Yes and no. If you fail to feed, fertilize, and water your lawn, it will die. However, if you feed, fertilize, and water your lawn, it will die.--This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

One of the warmest, funniest, and most delightful Christmas stories ever—from Pulitzer Prize-winning author Dave Barry. With fond nostalgia, Dave Barry takes readers back to a simpler time: The year is 1960, and young Doug Barnes is playing a shepherd in the Christmas pageant at St. John’s Episcopal Church—which is a very big deal. But there are problems everywhere. His fellow shepherds are misbehaving, which makes their director, Mrs. Elkins, yell at all of them; the girl he likes is playing Mary opposite a Joseph who is depressingly smart, athletic, and cute; the family dog is doing very poorly, and they have no idea what they’re going to tell Doug’s little sister, Becky, who’s playing one of the Host of Angels and who loves the dog more than anything; and his dad’s just gotten a flat tire, which means they might not even get to the pageant after all. But Christmas is a time of miracles. And for Doug and his family, this will be the most miraculous Christmas of all.

Here are four of the funniest books from Dave Barry. Follow his handyman hints and see how easy it is to beat a home into submission; to earning raves as a lover and a parent; and discover the key steps to kicking, scratching and cheating your way up the corporate ladder.

The year is 1901--it''s been twenty-three years since Peter and the Lost Boys returned from Rundoon. Since then, nobody on the island has grown a day older, and the Lost Boys continue their friendship with the Mollusk tribe, and their rivalry with Captain Hook. Meanwhile in London, Molly has married George Darling and is raising three children: Wendy, Michael, and John. One night a visitor appears at her door; it''s James, one of Peter''s original Lost Boys.

The humorist presents a selection of more than fifty one-of-a-kind gifts for the discriminating individual, furnishing vendor names, prices, and addresses for such treasures as elephant-print Republican pants and a capsule of rodent bones regurgitated by an owl.

A syndicated humorist discusses natural breathing and techniques to endure the ordeal of baby showers

From three award-winning and bestselling humor writers comes a hilarious guide to everything you need to know about Jewish history, holidays, and traditions. Immerse yourself in the essence of Jewish humor and culture with A Field Guide to the Jewish People brought to you by Dave Barry, Adam Mansbach, and Alan Zweibel. Join them as they dissect every holiday, rite of passage, and tradition, unravel a long and complicated history, and tackle the tough questions that have plagued Jews and non-Jews alike for centuries. Combining the sweetness of an apricot rugelach with the wisdom of a matzoh ball, this is the last book on Judaism that you will ever need. So gather up your chosen ones, open a bottle of Manischewitz, and get ready to laugh as you finally begin to understand the inner-workings of Judaism.

A slapstick thriller set in Florida, featuring oddball characters. They include a homeless man who lives in a tree, a student with a squirt gun playing a game called Killer, a couple of real killers, and a terrorist with a nuclear bomb in a suitcase.

Last year, Wyatt Palmer was the hero of middle school, having foiled a plot against the president of the United States. But now he and his friends are in Coral Cove High School—home of the Fighting Conchs—and Wyatt is no longer a hero: He''s just another undersized freshman, hoping to fit in, or at least not be unpopular. Things start to go wrong when Matt Diaz, who is Wyatt''s best friend but also unfortunately an idiot, decides to bring his pet ferret, Frank, to school. Through an unfortunate series of events Frank ends up in the hands of the Bevin brothers, who are the most popular boys at Coral Cove High, but are also, as Matt soon discovers, the nastiest. When Wyatt and Matt try to get Frank back, they concoct a plan to attend a party for the cool clique at the Bevin''s waterfront mansion and stumble onto the Bevin family''s dark and deadly secret. That''s when Wyatt learns that some things are worse than being unpopular in high school. MUCH worse.

The president of Kprshtskan is plotting to infiltrate the science fair at Hubble Middle School in Maryland in order to take over the United States government, but when Toby Harbinger, an ordinary student, makes up his mind finally to win the fair, the terrorists'' plans go awry. 250,000 first printing.

While Peter is away from the island, James and the other Lost Boys discover a mysterious cave. Shining Pearl and her sister Little Scallop warn the boys that the cave is a dangerous place, inhabited by a creature known as the Goat Taker—a beast so scary that even the Mollusk tribe fears it. But the boys can’t resist trying to discover the cave’s secrets. When the first of those secrets turns out to be a tantalizing hint of a famous haunted treasure, Captain Hook and his band of cutthroat pirates quickly join the hunt. Before long the children are fleeing for their lives in a dark and deadly underground labyrinth…and their only hope of escape is to solve the mystery of the Cave of the Dark Wind.

Auf einem abgetakelten Kreuzfahrtschiff vor der Küste von Miami, auf dem Glücksspiele veranstaltet werden, treffen sich verschiedene skurrile Typen: Lebenslustige, schlagfertige Senioren, mittelmäßige Musiker, ein gescheiterter Kapitän, Drogendealer und andere Klein und Großkriminelle. Ein Hurrikan und verbrecherische Machenschaften auf dem Schiff führen zu turbulenten Verwicklungen und mörderischen Komplikationen rund um Liebe, Geld und Macht. Doch die Handlung ist nebensächlich. Der amerikanische Autor von satirischen Sachbüchern (zuletzt: "Die Achse des Blöden", BA 8/03) und Romanen wie "Big trouble" (BA 7/01) entfacht ein Feuerwerk kurioser Situationskomik so rasant, dass die Zusammenhänge manchmal auf der Strecke bleiben. Die turbulente Satire ist für Freunde von deftigem amerikanischem Slapstick überall geeignet.

Peter Pan, the Lost Boys, and Captain Hook have been some of the world’s most storied characters since J.M. Barrie introduced them in his beloved tale, Peter Pan. In this new picture book, Dave Barry and Ridley Pearson take a fresh look at these characters as only they can. Created for the animated film, Mary Blair’s illustrations helped to define the look of this Walt Disney classic and bring all the magic of Never Land to life—from the ominous Skull Rock to Peter’s secret underground lair. Laced with humor, action, and a dash of pixie dust, this cheeky retelling and vibrant concept art are woven into an entertaining new take on a classic story.

A columnist syndicated in more than fifty newspapers, Barry displays his unique knack for nuttiness in essays offering advice in a variety of areas, including how to get kids to stop smoking--"eliminate tenth grade"

A COLLECTION OF DAVE BARRY''S ALL-TIME FAVORITE HUMOR COLUMNS.

Fearing that the sinister Lord Ombra was not destroyed, Peter and Molly travel to the land of Rundoon, which is ruled by the evil King Zarboff.

No book can guarantee you a long and happy relationship, even if the author didn''t know about your secret hygiene problem. But the cover of a book is no place to discuss that. In Dave Barry''s Guide to Marriage and/or Sex, one of America''s most beloved writers turns his keen, if somewhat rheumy, eye to the institution of marriage. Dating. "These are nonstereotypical times we live in, by which I mean that it is the responsibility of the woman to think up excuses that get progressively more obvious until the man figures out that the woman would rather chew on a rat pancreas." Sex. "I''m afraid that we must talk here about sex in a very explicit manner, because we want to expand the Frontiers of Human Understanding, and also we want to sell as many books as possible to adolescent boys." Marriage. "Most squabbles start with money. For example, you want to buy food, while your spouse wants to buy a thoroughbred racehorse. It''s important, in these situations, for both of you to be willing to sit down and try to achieve a workable compromise. In this case, you could buy a thoroughbred racehorse and eat it."