Most Popular Books by Dave Barry

From the Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist comes a celebration of the aging process. Not just Dave''s, but that of the whole Baby Boom Generation--those millions of us who set a standard for whining self-absorption that will never be equaled, and who gave birth to such stunning accomplishments as Saturday Night Live!, the New Age movement, and call waiting. Here Dave pinpoints the glaring signs that you''ve passed the half-century mark: - You are suddenly unable to read anything written in letters smaller than Marlon Brando. - You have accepted the fact that you can''t possibly be hip. You don''t even know if "hip" is the right word for hip anymore, and you don''t care. - You remember nuclear-attack drills at school wherein you practiced protecting yourself by crouching under your desk, which was apparently made out of some kind of atomic-bomb-proof wood. - You can''t name the secretary of defense, but you can still sing the Mister Clean song. So pop open a can of Geritol®, kick back in that recliner, grab those reading glasses, and let the good times roll--before they roll right over you!

NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • You can''t make this stuff up. Dave Barry wouldn''t lie—and here are the real life, laugh-out-loud stories from across America to prove it. Get up-close with Dave as he examines UFO thrillseekers and Elvis-worshippers, plays lead guitar with a horrifying rock band that includes Stephen King, and swears to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth in stories like these: • a U.S. Supreme Court justice shares his remedy for preventing gas ("I had not realized that this was a matter of concern in the highest levels of government") • a newspaper headline in Ohio announces the combustibility of strawberry Pop-Tarts ("A story that can really help you gain a better understanding of how you can be killed by breakfast snack food") • a frightening fact that snakes have mastered the pipelines leading directly to your toilet—and they''re not shy ("Many women might view this as a fair punishment for all the billions of times that guys have left the seat up"). "Barry is at his best." —The Baltimore Sun "He zaps the funny bone." —The Cincinnati Post

"RELENTLESSLY FUNNY . . . BARRY SHINES." --People A self-professed computer geek who actually does Windows 95, bestselling humorist Dave Barry takes us on a hilarious hard drive via the information superhighway--and into the very heart of cyberspace, asking the provocative question: If God had wanted us to be concise, why give us so many fonts? Inside you''ll find juicy bytes on How to Buy and Set Up a Computer; Step One: Get Valium Nerdstock in the Desert; Or: Bill Gates Is Elvis Software: Making Your Computer Come Alive So It Can Attack You Word Processing: How to Press an Enormous Number of Keys Without Ever Actually Writing Anything Selected Web Sites, including Cursing in Swedish, Deformed Frog Pictures, and The Toilets of Melbourne, Australia And much, much more! "VERY FUNNY . . . After a day spent staring at a computer monitor, think of the book as a kind of screen saver for your brain." --New York Times Book Review

Just in time, Dave Barry supplies the wholly original, much needed history and guide to the new American politics and its three capitals, Washington, D.C., Austin, and South Florida. No surprise: it''s hilarious. Understanding the urgent need for a deeply thoughtful balanced book to explain our national political process, Dave Barry has not even come close. Though he himself has covered many campaigns, run for President several times, and run for cover at the rainy inauguration of George W. Bush (the man will spare nothing for his art) Barry has instead outdone himself. Below the Beltway includes Barry''s stirring account of how the United States was born, including his version of a properly rewritten Declaration (When in the course of human events it behooves us, the people, not to ask "What can our country do for us, anyway?" but rather whether we have anything to fear except fear itself...) and a revised Constitution (Section II: The House of Representatives shall be composed of people who own at least two dark suits and have not been indicted recently.). Dave also cracks the income tax code, explains the growth(s) of government, congressional hearing difficulties, and the persistent rumors of the influence of capital in the Capitol. Among other civic contributions, his tour of Washington, D.C., should end school class trips forever.

"Just the ticket for the ''90s." SAN FRANCISCO CHRONICLE If you''re too young for a nursing home yet too old to be a rock star, if your marriage is as exciting as scraping grass off the lawnmower blades, then this hilarious book by Pulitzer-Prize-winning columnist and author is for you. Put on your protective eyewear and take a probing look inside your increasingly Spam-like body at: The Midlife (Yawn) Marriage; Wise Financial Planning for Irresponsible Scum Such as Yourself; Sex After 40 (or, Sex? After 40?), and other harsh, but amusing realities that leave you laughing, crying and drooling.

Yet another collection of wit and wisdom by Pulitzer Prize–winning humorist and author Dave Barry. This collection of essays explores a range of topics including traffic cops, dentists, and Congress. "Want to impress your friends? Tell them you read the latest work by the 1988 Pulitzer Prize-winner for commentary. Just don''t tell them it''s full of booger jokes".--Orange County Register

Pulitzer Prize-winning humorist Dave Barry is a pretty amiable guy. But lately, he’s been getting a little worked up. What could make a mild-mannered man of words so hot under the collar? Well, a lot of things–like bad public art, Internet millionaires, SUVs, Regis Philbin . . . and even bigger problems, like • The slower-than-deceased-livestock left-lane drivers who apparently believe that the right lane is sacred and must never come in direct contact with tires • The parent-misery quotient of last-minute school science fair projects • Day trading and other careers that never require you to take off your bathrobe • The plague of the low-flow toilets, which is so bad that even in Miami, where you can buy drugs just by opening your front door and yelling “Hey! I want some crack,” you can’t even sell your first born to get a normal-flushing toilet Dave Barry is not taking any of this sitting down. He’s going to stand up for the rights of all Americans against ridiculously named specialty “–chino” coffees and the IRS. Just as soon as he gets the darn toilet flushed.

When Dave Barry is on the loose, no one is safe! What Dave Barry did for the men’s movement in his Complete Guide to Guys and for foreign relations when he did Japan he now does for . . . everything in America. The rapacious observer of Tupperware ladies and leisure concept salesmen sounds off on: Football—Football is more than just a game. It is a potential opportunity to see a live person lying on the ground with a bone sticking out of his leg, while the fans, to show their appreciation, perform “the wave.” Sailing—There’s nothing quite like getting out on the open sea, where you can forget about the hassles and worries of life on land, and concentrate on the hassles and worries of life on the sea, such as death by squid. Gambling—Off-Track Betting parlors are the kinds of places where you never see signs that say, “Thank You for Not Smoking.” The best you can hope for is, “Thank You for Not Spitting Pieces of Your Cigar on My Neck.” “The good news: he’s funny as ever. The bad news: the book is only 304 pages.”—Los Angeles Daily News

Dave Barry makes his fiction debut with a ferociously funny novel of love and mayhem in south Florida. In the city of Coconut Grove, Florida, these things happen: A struggling adman named Eliot Arnold drives home from a meeting with the Client From Hell. His teenage son, Matt, fills a Squirtmaster 9000 for his turn at a high school game called Killer. Matt''s intended victim, Jenny Herk, sits down in front of the TV with her mom for what she hopes will be a peaceful evening for once. Jenny''s alcoholic and secretly embezzling stepfather, Arthur, emerges from the maid''s room, angry at being rebuffed. Henry and Leonard, two hit men from New Jersey, pull up to the Herks'' house for a real game of Killer, Arthur''s embezzlement apparently not having been quite so secret to his employers after all. And a homeless man named Puggy settles down for the night in a treehouse just inside the Herks'' yard. In a few minutes, a chain of events that will change the lives of each and every one of them will begin, and will leave some of them wiser, some of them deader, and some of them definitely looking for a new line of work. With a wicked wit, razor-sharp observations, rich characters, and a plot with more twists than the Inland Waterway, Dave Barry makes his debut a complete and utter triumph.

Did you ever wish that you really understood money? Well, Dave Barry wishes that he did, too. But that hasn’t stopped him from writing this book. In it, Dave explores (as only he can) such topics as: • How the U.S. economy works, including the often overlooked role of Adam Sandler • Why it is not a good idea to use squirrels for money • Strategies that will give you the confidence you need to try for a good job, even though you are—let’s be honest—a no-talent loser • How corporate executives, simply by walking into their offices, immediately become much stupider • An absolutely foolproof system for making money in the stock market, requiring only a little effort (and access to time travel) • Surefire tips for buying and selling real estate, the key being: Never buy—or, for that matter, sell—real estate • How to minimize your federal taxes, safely and legally, by cheating • Why good colleges cost so much, and how to make sure your child does not get into one • How to reduce the cost of your medical care by basically not getting any • Estate planning, especially the financial benefits of an early death • And many, many pictures of Suze Orman But that’s only the beginning! Dave has also included in this book all of the important points from a book written by Donald Trump, so you don’t have to read it yourself. Plus he explains how to tip, how to negotiate for everything (including bridge tolls), how to argue with your spouse about money, and how much allowance to give your children (three dollars is plenty). He also presents, for the first time in print anywhere, the Car Dealership Code of Ethics (“Ethic Seven: The customer is an idiot”). Also, there are many gratuitous references to Angelina Jolie naked. You can’t afford not to buy this book! Probably you need several copies. What kind of financial shape are you in right now? This scientific quiz will show you. Be honest in your answers: If you lie, you’ll only be lying to yourself! The place to lie is on your federal tax return. What is your annual income? 1. More than $50,000. 2. Less than $50,000. 3. However much I get when I return these empties. Not counting your mortgage, how much money do you currently owe? 1. Less than $10,000. 2. More than $10,000. 3. Men are threatening to cut off my thumbs. How would you describe your portfolio? 1. Conservative, mainly bonds and blue-chip equities. 2. Aggressive, mainly options and speculative stocks. 3. My what? When analyzing an investment, what do you consider to be the most important factor? 1. The amount of return. 2. The degree of risk. 3. The name of the jockey. How do you plan to finance your retirement? 1. Savings. 2. Social security. 3. Sale of kidneys. —from the Introduction: “Why You Need This Book” Also available as a Crown eBook.

How "MacArthur Park" goes, so I sang it, giving it my best shot, and Rob laughed so hard that when I got to the part about leaving the cake out in the rain, and it took so long to bake it, and I''ll never have that recipe again, Rob was on the floor."

"One of the funniest peole ever to tap tap on a PC." PHILADELPHIA INQUIRER Not since George Bush''s memorable dinner with the Japanese prime minister has the Land of the Rising Sun seen the likes of a goodwill ambassador like Dave Barry. Join him as he belts out oldies in a karaoke bar, marries a geriatric geisha girl, takes his first bath in public, bows to just about everyone, and explores culture shock in all its numerous humorous forms, including: Failing to Learn Japanese in Only Five Minutes (Or: "Very Much Good Morning, Sir!") ; Humor in Japan (Take My Tofu, Please!); Sports in Japan ("Yo, Batter! Loudly Make it Fly!"), and more.

I''ll Mature When I''m Dead is the New York Times bestseller from "the funniest man in America" (New York Times). Let Pulitzer Prize-winning humorist and nationally unrecognized voice of maturity Dave Barry make the journey to adulthood a little easier—and a lot funnier. Not everyone has to be dragged kicking and screaming through adulthood. Dave Barry will help through this process—with his hilarious takes on parenting, changing self-image, the battle of the sexes, technology, health care, celebrityhood, and even vampires!

Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist, bestselling author, and Wheel of Fortune contestant Dave Barry exposes the shattering truth. Whether he''s splashing with the U.S. sychronized swim team ("Picture a bunch of elegant swans swimming with a flailing sea cow") or reliving the Pilgrims'' first Thanksgiving ("We''ve decided to obliterate your culture, but first may we try the stuffing?"), Dave Barry proves that one man can make a difference--by having the guts to answer the questions few people bother to ask: ¸ What makes people want to eat animals they would never consider petting? ¸ Where do the World''s Three Most Boring People meet? ¸ Why is Colorado freezing so many human gonads? ¸ And just how does Oprah have the power to turn a 1957 Hotpoint toaster manual into a #1 bestseller?

“What caused the American Revolution? This is indeed a rhetorical question that for many years historians have begun chapters with. As well they should. For the American Revolution is without a doubt the single most important historical event to occur in this nation except of course for Super Bowl III (Jets 16. Colts 7. This historian won $35).” So goes the skewed sensibility, the muddied mind, the bent pen of one of America''s funniest writers, Dave Barry. This time his subject is U.S. history, the way it''s never been told before. Every single momentous event and crucial moment is covered, including . . . • The Birthing Contractions of a Nation • Kicking Some British Butt • Barging Westward • The Forging of a Large, Wasteful Bureaucracy • Deep Economic Doo-doo • The Fifties: Peace, Prosperity, Brain Death . . . and right up through the scintillating Reagan-Bush years, during which, Mr. Barry notes, America is steadfastly Napping Toward Glory. If you love to laugh, if you love your country, if you are unaware that “the Sixth Amendment states that if you are accused of a crime, you have a right to a trial before a jury of people too stupid to get out of jury duty,” Dave Barry Slept Here is the book you''ve been waiting for since 1776. Or at least since Super Bowl III. Praise for Dave Barry Slept Here “A dazzling performance . . . Barry is brilliant.”—The Washington Post Book World “[Dave] Barry turns his formidable wit to the subject of American history, with a result reminiscent of the Reduced Shakespeare Company: The better you know the original, the funnier it gets.”—Los Angeles Times “I fear that Mr. Barry''s dream of making millions of dollars through mass sales of his book to a captive audience of innocent schoolchildren will not be realized, and he will have to be content with making readers laugh a lot, as this one did.”—The New York Times Book Review

During the course of living (mumble, mumble) years, Dave Barry has learned much of wisdom,* (*actual wisdom not guaranteed) and he is eager to pass it on—to the next generation, the generation after that, and to those idiots who make driving to the grocery store in Florida a death-defying experience. In brilliant, brand-new, never-before-published pieces, Dave passes on home truths to his new grandson and to his daughter Sophie, who will be getting her learner’s permit in 2015 (“So you’re about to start driving! How exciting! I’m going to kill myself”). He explores the hometown of his youth, where the grown-ups were supposed to be uptight fifties conformists, but seemed to have a lot of un-Mad Men-like fun, unlike Dave’s own Baby Boomer generation, which was supposed to be wild and crazy, but somehow turned into neurotic hover-parents. He dives into everything from the inanity of cable news and the benefits of Google Glass (“You will look like a douchebag”) to the loneliness of high school nerds (“You will never hear a high school girl say about a boy, in a dreamy voice, ‘He’s so sarcastic!’”), from the perils of home repair to firsthand accounts of the soccer craziness of Brazil and the just plain crazy craziness of Vladimir Putin’s Russia (“He stares at the camera with the expression of a man who relaxes by strangling small furry animals”), and a lot more besides. By the end, if you do not feel wiser, richer in knowledge, more attuned to the universe . . . we wouldn’t be at all surprised. But you’ll have had a lot to laugh about!

A brilliantly funny exploration of the twin mysteries of parenthood and families from the Pulitzer Prize winner and New York Times–bestselling author of Insane City. In his New York Times–bestselling I’ll Mature When I’m Dead, Dave Barry embarked on the treacherous seas of adulthood, to hilarious results. What comes next? Parenthood, of course, and families. In uproarious, brand-new pieces, Barry tackles everything from family trips, bat mitzvah parties and dating (he’s serious about that title: “When my daughter can legally commence dating—February 24, 2040—I intend to monitor her closely, even if I am deceased”) to funeral instructions (“I would like my eulogy to be given by William Shatner”), the differences between male and female friendships, the deeper meaning of Fifty Shades of Grey, and a father’s ultimate sacrifice: accompanying his daughter to a Justin Bieber concert (“It turns out that the noise teenaged girls make to express happiness is the same noise they would make if their feet were being gnawed off by badgers”). Let’s face it: families not only enrich our lives every day, they drive us completely around the bend. Thank goodness we have Dave Barry as our guide!

A New York Times bestseller—a brilliantly funny exploration of the Sunshine State from the man who knows it best: Pulitzer Prize winner Dave Barry. We never know what will happen next in Florida. We know only that, any minute now, something will. Every few months, Dave Barry gets a call from some media person wanting to know, “What the hell is wrong with Florida?” Somehow, the state''s acquired an image as a subtropical festival of stupid, and as a loyal Floridian, Dave begs to differ. Join him as he goes in hunt of the legendary Skunk Ape; hobnobs with the mermaids of Weeki Wachee Springs; and visits Cassadaga, the psychic capital of the world, to have his dog''s aura read (apparently, she''s "very spiritual"). Hitch a ride for the non-stop thrills of alligator-wrestling ("the gators display the same fighting spirit as a Barcalounger"), the hair-raising spectacle of a clothing-optional bar in Key West, and the manly manliness of the Machine Gun Experience in Miami. It''s the most hilarious book yet from “the funniest damn writer in the whole country” (Carl Hiaasen, and he should know). By the end, you''ll have to admit that whatever else you might think about Florida—you can never say it''s boring.

On board of the Extravaganza of the Seas, a wildly diverse group of people find themselves in the middle of a tropical storm.

The New York Times calls him “the funniest man in America,” and his legions of fans agree, laughing and snorting as they put his books on bestseller lists nationwide. In Boogers Are My Beat, Dave gives us the real scoop on: • The scientific search for the world’s funniest joke (you can bet it includes the word “weasel”) • RV camping in the Wal-Mart parking lot • Outwitting “smart” kitchen appliances and service contracts • Elections in Florida (“You can’t spell Florida without ‘duh’”) • The Olympics, where people from all over the world come together to accuse each other of cheating • The truth about the Dakotas, the Lone Ranger, and feng shui • The choice between death and taxes And much, much more—including some truths about journalism and serious thoughts about 9/11. Dave Barry won the Pulitzer Prize for commentary in 1988, and his columns are syndicated in more than 500 newspapers. His most recent books, Dave Barry Is Not Taking This Sitting Down and the novels Big Trouble and Tricky Business, were national bestsellers. He lives in Miami, Floriduh. Also available as an eBook

A brilliantly funny look at the tumultuous recent past from the Pulitzer Prize-winning humorist. Remember when everything was going to go to hell when Y2K struck? That didn''t happen. Right? But what did happen? To provide a little perspective on a really messed-up millennium (so far), the one and only Dave Barry slips into his historian''s robe (it''s plush terrycloth) and revisits the defining moments in our country''s recent history, from the Bush years to-jeez, it''s still the Bush years! As an added bonus, Barry quickly "we''re busy here" tosses in the complete history of the last millennium, covering crucial turning points such as the invention of the pizza by Leonardo da Vinci and the computer by Charles Babbage (who died in 1871 still waiting to talk to tech support). Fellow Americans, the time has come to bone up with Barry as he puts the hysterical in history.

Presents a collection of humor columns by Dave Barry, originally published in the "Miami Herald."

A collection of complete and unabridged texts of the original editions.

Seth Weinstein always knew Tina was way, way, way out of his league. Which is why he’s still astonished that he’s on a plane heading for their wedding in Florida. The Groom Posse has already pulled an airport prank on him—and he’s survived! It should be easy going from now on. But Seth has absolutely no idea what he’s about to get into. A simple drink or two with the boys sparks a series of events that will pit Seth and his friends against everything and everyone imaginable, from his very powerful, very disapproving soon-to-be father-in-law to the federal government to a love-struck orangutan. Seth’s hope for smooth sailing is turning into a trip on the Titanic. And the water is getting deeper by the minute…

Pulitzer Prize–winning and New York Times bestselling author—and actual Florida Man—Dave Barry returns with a “hilariously funny” (Steve Martin) caper full of oddballs and more twists and turns than a snake slithering away from a gator. Jesse Braddock is trapped in a tiny cabin deep in the Everglades with her infant daughter and her ex-boyfriend, a wannabe reality TV star who turned out to be a lot prettier on the outside than on the inside. Broke and desperate for a way out, Jesse stumbles across a long-lost treasure, which could solve all her problems—if she can figure out how to keep it. The problem is some very bad men are also looking for the treasure, and they know Jesse has it. Meanwhile, Ken Bortle of Bortle Brothers Bait and Beer has hatched a scheme to lure tourists to his failing store by making viral videos of the “Everglades Melon Monster.” The Monster is, in fact, an unemployed alcoholic newspaperman named Phil wearing a Dora the Explorer costume head. Incredibly, this plan actually works, inspiring a horde of TikTokers to swarm into the swamp in search of the Monster at the same time villains are on the hunt for Jesse’s treasure. Amid this mayhem, a presidential hopeful arrives in the Everglades to start his campaign. Needless to say, it does not go as planned. In fact, nothing in this story goes as planned. This is, after all, Florida.

Humorous look at the many aspects of travel from air travel to European bus tours.

In The Greatest Invention in the History of Mankind Is Beer and Other Manly Insights from Dave Barry Dave goes on a testosterone riff, enlightening all about the intricacies of being male. At higher levels, testosterone causes destructive male behavior, the two most terrible kinds being: 1. War. 2. Do-it-yourself projects.

In this hilarious novel, written in the voice of eighth-grader Wyatt Palmer, Dave Barry takes us on a class trip to Washington, DC. Wyatt, his best friend, Matt, and a few kids from Culver Middle School find themselves in a heap of trouble. SLJ writes, ''''laugh-out-loud thrill ride''''.

A humorous guide with valuable advice and tips for moving up the corporate ladder.

America’s most beloved wiseass finally tells his life story with all the humor you’d expect from a man who made a career out of making fun of pretty much everything. How does the son of a Presbyterian minister wind up winning a Pulitzer Prize for writing a wildly inaccurate newspaper column read by millions of people? In Class Clown, Dave Barry takes us on a hilarious ride, starting with a childhood largely spent throwing rocks for entertainment—there was no internet—and preparing for nuclear war by hiding under a classroom desk. After literally getting elected class clown in high school, he went to college, where, as an English major, he read snippets of great literature when he was not busy playing in a rock band (it was the sixties). He began his journalism career at a small-town Pennsylvania newspaper where he learned the most important rule of local journalism: never confuse a goose with a duck. His journey then took a detour into the business world, where as a writing consultant he spent years trying, with limited success, to get corporate folks to, for God’s sake, get the point. Somehow from there he wound up as a humor columnist for The Miami Herald, where his boss was a wild man who encouraged him to write about anything that struck him as amusing and to never worry about alienating anyone. His columns were not popular with everyone: He managed to alienate a vast army of Neil Diamond fans, and the entire state of Indiana. But he also developed a loyal following of readers who alerted him to the threat of exploding toilets, not to mention the fire hazards posed by strawberry pop-tarts and Rollerblade Barbie, which he demonstrated to the nation on the David Letterman show. He led his readers on a crusade against telemarketers that ultimately caused the national telemarketers association to stop answering its own phones because it was getting—irony alert—too many unwanted calls. He has also run for president multiple times, although so far without success. He became a book author and joined a literary rock band, which was not good at playing music but did once perform with Bruce Springsteen, who sang backup to Dave. As for his literary merits, Dave writes: “I’ll never have the critical acclaim of, say, Marcel Proust. But was Marcel Proust ever on Carson? Did he ever steal a hotel sign for Oprah?” Class Clown isn’t just a memoir; it’s a vibrant celebration of a life rich with humor, absurdity, joy, and sadness. Dave says the most important wisdom imparted by his Midwestern parents was never to take anything too seriously. This laughter-filled book is proof that he learned that lesson well.

"Dave Barry is one funny human." --San Francisco Examiner For thousands of years, women have asked themselves: What is the deal with guys, anyway? What are they thinking? The answer, of course, is: virtually nothing. Deep down inside, guys are extremely shallow. But that has not stopped Dave Barry from writing an entire book about them. If you''re a guy--or if you''re attempting to share a remote control with one--you need this book, because it deals frankly and semi-thoroughly with such important guy issues as: Scratching The role of guys in world history, including the heretofore-unknown relationship between the discovery of North America and golf Why the average guy can remember who won the 1960 World Series, but not necessarily the names of all his children The Noogie Gene Why guys cannot simultaneously think and look at breasts Secret guy orgasm-delaying techniques, including the Margaret Thatcher Method Why guys prefer to believe that there is no such thing as a prostate And much, much more "Whether you''re a guy--or attempting to share a bathroom with one--Barry has some wacky words of wisdom for you." --USA Today

In this “little gem” (Washington Independent Review of Books), Pulitzer Prize–winning columnist and New York Times bestselling author Dave Barry learns how to age happily from his old but joyful dog, Lucy. As Dave Barry turns seventy—not happily—he realizes that his dog, Lucy, is dealing with old age far better than he is. She has more friends, fewer worries, and way more fun. So Dave decides to figure out how Lucy manages to stay so happy, to see if he can make his own life happier by doing the things she does (except for drinking from the toilet). He reconnects with old friends and tries to make new ones—which turns out to be a struggle, because Lucy likes people a lot more than he does. And he gets back in touch with two ridiculous but fun groups from his past: the Lawn Rangers, a group of guys who march in parades pushing lawnmowers and twirling brooms (alcohol is involved), and the Rock Bottom Remainders, the world’s oldest and least-talented all-author band. With each new lesson, Dave riffs hilariously on dogs, people, and life in general, while also pondering Deep Questions, such as when it’s okay to lie. (Answer: when scallops are involved.) Lessons From Lucy shows you a new side to Dave Barry that’s “touching and sentimental, but there’s still a laugh on every page” (The Sacramento Bee). The master humorist has written a witty and affable guide to joyous living at any age.

Grdankl the Strong, president of Kprshtskan, is plotting to take over the American government. His plan is to infiltrate the science fair at Hubble Middle School, located in a Maryland suburb just outside Washington. The rich kids at Hubble cheat by buying their projects every year, and Grdankl''s cronies should have no problem selling them his government-corrupting software. But this year, Toby Harbinger, a regular kid with Discount Warehouse shoes, is determined to win the $5,000 prize-even if he has to go up against terrorists to do it. With the help of his best friends, Tamara and Micah, Toby takes on Assistant Principal Paul Parmit, aka "The Armpit", a laser-eyed stuffed owl, and two eBay buyers named Darth and the Wookiee who seem to think that the Harrison-Ford-signed BlasTech DL-44 blaster Toby sold them is a counterfeit. What transpires is a hilarious adventure filled with mystery, suspense, and levitating frogs.

One summer morning while Aidan and Sarah are visiting their grandfather, they discover a secret compartment in his battered wooden desk. Inside is a yellowed envelope that contains a piece of very thin, almost translucent, white paper, on which, handwritten in black ink, are a series of seemingly random lines; among them are what appear to be fragments of letters, but not enough to make sense. At the bottom of the page is a verse about Peter Peter and a reference to a real hotel in London. As it happens, the family is about to embark on a trip to Europe, so the children decide that while in London, they will try to locate the hotel.

Contains the complete and unabridged texts of: Dave Barry''s guide to marriage and/or sex, Babies and other hazards of sex, Stay fit and healthy until you''re dead, and Claw your way to the top.

In this riveting and adventure-packed follow-up to Peter and the Starcatchers, we discover Peter leaving the relative safety of Mollusk Island—along with his trusted companion Tinker Bell—for the cold, damp streets of London. On a difficult journey across the sea, he and Tink discover the dark and deadly, slithering part-man/part-creature Lord Ombra. It seems that the dreaded Ombra has a variety of mysterious powers including the ability to make shadows disappear.