New Releases by Dave Barry

Translation of: Peter and the Starcatchers.

An irreverent alternate perspective on recent world events features whimsical commentary on such topics as the 2000 election, the non-finding of weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, and the invention of pizza by Leonardo da Vinci.

While Peter is away from the island, James and the other Lost Boys insist on exploring a mysterious cave, despite Shining Pearl and Little Scallop''s warning that it is a dangerous place, inhabited by a creature known as the Goat Taker.

Did you ever wish that you really understood money? Well, Dave Barry wishes that he did, too. But that hasn’t stopped him from writing this book. In it, Dave explores (as only he can) such topics as: • How the U.S. economy works, including the often overlooked role of Adam Sandler • Why it is not a good idea to use squirrels for money • Strategies that will give you the confidence you need to try for a good job, even though you are—let’s be honest—a no-talent loser • How corporate executives, simply by walking into their offices, immediately become much stupider • An absolutely foolproof system for making money in the stock market, requiring only a little effort (and access to time travel) • Surefire tips for buying and selling real estate, the key being: Never buy—or, for that matter, sell—real estate • How to minimize your federal taxes, safely and legally, by cheating • Why good colleges cost so much, and how to make sure your child does not get into one • How to reduce the cost of your medical care by basically not getting any • Estate planning, especially the financial benefits of an early death • And many, many pictures of Suze Orman But that’s only the beginning! Dave has also included in this book all of the important points from a book written by Donald Trump, so you don’t have to read it yourself. Plus he explains how to tip, how to negotiate for everything (including bridge tolls), how to argue with your spouse about money, and how much allowance to give your children (three dollars is plenty). He also presents, for the first time in print anywhere, the Car Dealership Code of Ethics (“Ethic Seven: The customer is an idiot”). Also, there are many gratuitous references to Angelina Jolie naked. You can’t afford not to buy this book! Probably you need several copies. What kind of financial shape are you in right now? This scientific quiz will show you. Be honest in your answers: If you lie, you’ll only be lying to yourself! The place to lie is on your federal tax return. What is your annual income? 1. More than $50,000. 2. Less than $50,000. 3. However much I get when I return these empties. Not counting your mortgage, how much money do you currently owe? 1. Less than $10,000. 2. More than $10,000. 3. Men are threatening to cut off my thumbs. How would you describe your portfolio? 1. Conservative, mainly bonds and blue-chip equities. 2. Aggressive, mainly options and speculative stocks. 3. My what? When analyzing an investment, what do you consider to be the most important factor? 1. The amount of return. 2. The degree of risk. 3. The name of the jockey. How do you plan to finance your retirement? 1. Savings. 2. Social security. 3. Sale of kidneys. —from the Introduction: “Why You Need This Book” Also available as a Crown eBook.

Peter, an orphan boy, and his friend Molly fight off thieves and pirates in order to keep the secret safe away from the diabolical Black Stache and his evil associate Mister Grin.

Auf einem abgetakelten Kreuzfahrtschiff vor der Küste von Miami, auf dem Glücksspiele veranstaltet werden, treffen sich verschiedene skurrile Typen: Lebenslustige, schlagfertige Senioren, mittelmäßige Musiker, ein gescheiterter Kapitän, Drogendealer und andere Klein und Großkriminelle. Ein Hurrikan und verbrecherische Machenschaften auf dem Schiff führen zu turbulenten Verwicklungen und mörderischen Komplikationen rund um Liebe, Geld und Macht. Doch die Handlung ist nebensächlich. Der amerikanische Autor von satirischen Sachbüchern (zuletzt: \"Die Achse des Blöden\

The Extravaganza of the Seas is a 5000-ton cash cow, a top-heavy tub whose sole function is to carry gamblers three miles from the Florida coast, take their money, then bring them back so they can find more money.

At long last, Dave Barry, the dean of everything, lets you in on the deepest, darkest mysteries of life and answers your hysterical home purchase questions like they''ve never been answered before: What''s the best way to determine a realistic price range? Take your total family income, including coins that have fallen behind the bureau, and any projected future revenue you have been notified about via personalized letters from Mr. Ed McMahon stating that you may already have won 14 million dollars. Then, multiply by something other than six. Can you recommend a good mortgage? There are several kinds: Fixed Rate, Variable Rate, and the bank''s secret weapons, the Party Hat Mortgage and the Mortgage of the Living Dead. How can I avoid spending money on do-it-yourself homeowner''s projects? Find a contractor. Their silent motto is "We Never Show Up." The Romans lived among the ruins. You must too. Is there a secret to having a beautiful lawn? Yes and no. If you fail to feed, fertilize, and water your lawn, it will die. However, if you feed, fertilize, and water your lawn, it will die.--This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

In The Greatest Invention in the History of Mankind Is Beer and Other Manly Insights from Dave Barry Dave goes on a testosterone riff, enlightening all about the intricacies of being male. At higher levels, testosterone causes destructive male behavior, the two most terrible kinds being: 1. War. 2. Do-it-yourself projects.

Here are four of the funniest books from Dave Barry. Follow his handyman hints and see how easy it is to beat a home into submission; to earning raves as a lover and a parent; and discover the key steps to kicking, scratching and cheating your way up the corporate ladder.

How "MacArthur Park" goes, so I sang it, giving it my best shot, and Rob laughed so hard that when I got to the part about leaving the cake out in the rain, and it took so long to bake it, and I''ll never have that recipe again, Rob was on the floor."

From the Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist comes a celebration of the aging process. Not just Dave''s, but that of the whole Baby Boom Generation--those millions of us who set a standard for whining self-absorption that will never be equaled, and who gave birth to such stunning accomplishments as Saturday Night Live!, the New Age movement, and call waiting. Here Dave pinpoints the glaring signs that you''ve passed the half-century mark: - You are suddenly unable to read anything written in letters smaller than Marlon Brando. - You have accepted the fact that you can''t possibly be hip. You don''t even know if "hip" is the right word for hip anymore, and you don''t care. - You remember nuclear-attack drills at school wherein you practiced protecting yourself by crouching under your desk, which was apparently made out of some kind of atomic-bomb-proof wood. - You can''t name the secretary of defense, but you can still sing the Mister Clean song. So pop open a can of Geritol®, kick back in that recliner, grab those reading glasses, and let the good times roll--before they roll right over you!

TAKE YOUR TRAVEL TIPS FROM DAVE BARRY, A GUY WHO IS REALLY GONE! Complete with maps, histories, quaint local facts (France''s National Underwear Changing Day is March 12), song lyrics, helpful hints on how to get through Customs (all insects must be spayed), and tidbits from Dave Barry''s own fond vacation nightmares, DAVE BARRY''S ONLY TRAVEL GUIDE YOU''LL EVER NEED is just that. You''ll find everything you need to know in this incredibly comprehensive reference, including: - Air Travel (Or: Why Birds Never Look Truly Relaxed) - Traveling as a Family (Or: No, We Are NOT There Yet) - Traveling in Europe ("Excuse me! Where is the Big Mona Lisa?") - Camping: Nature''s Way of Promoting the Motel Industry

Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist, bestselling author, and Wheel of Fortune contestant Dave Barry exposes the shattering truth. Whether he''s splashing with the U.S. sychronized swim team ("Picture a bunch of elegant swans swimming with a flailing sea cow") or reliving the Pilgrims'' first Thanksgiving ("We''ve decided to obliterate your culture, but first may we try the stuffing?"), Dave Barry proves that one man can make a difference--by having the guts to answer the questions few people bother to ask: ¸ What makes people want to eat animals they would never consider petting? ¸ Where do the World''s Three Most Boring People meet? ¸ Why is Colorado freezing so many human gonads? ¸ And just how does Oprah have the power to turn a 1957 Hotpoint toaster manual into a #1 bestseller?

Chroniques déjantées d''Internet... et autres cyberdélires parodie les manuels d''informatique pour Neuneu. De l''âge des cavernes jusqu''à Windows 98, en passant par le traitement de texte, vous saurez enfin comment acheter et installer un ordinateur. L''auteur définit une poignée de termes techniques : \" ... plus un ordinateur possède de RAM (mémoire), plus vite il peut générer un MESSAGE D''ERREUR \". Et puis, c''est meilleur des guides qui vous prend par la main jusqu''au COMDEX à Las Vegas, le festival de Cannes de l''informatique, avec un petit détour par l''Adultdex, l''équivalent des Hot d''Or. Tous les singes de ponctuation bizarroïdes qu''on rencontre sur Internet n''auront plus de secret pour vous et vous deviendrez à votre tour aussi original que tout le monde. Enfin, vous assisterez à des dialogues en direct passionnants (\" Y''a quelqu''un du Texas, ici ? \") ainsi qu''à la fabuleuse histoire d''amour en ligne entre mme Ptate et Ray Adverb.

"RELENTLESSLY FUNNY . . . BARRY SHINES." --People A self-professed computer geek who actually does Windows 95, bestselling humorist Dave Barry takes us on a hilarious hard drive via the information superhighway--and into the very heart of cyberspace, asking the provocative question: If God had wanted us to be concise, why give us so many fonts? Inside you''ll find juicy bytes on How to Buy and Set Up a Computer; Step One: Get Valium Nerdstock in the Desert; Or: Bill Gates Is Elvis Software: Making Your Computer Come Alive So It Can Attack You Word Processing: How to Press an Enormous Number of Keys Without Ever Actually Writing Anything Selected Web Sites, including Cursing in Swedish, Deformed Frog Pictures, and The Toilets of Melbourne, Australia And much, much more! "VERY FUNNY . . . After a day spent staring at a computer monitor, think of the book as a kind of screen saver for your brain." --New York Times Book Review

"Dave Barry is one funny human." --San Francisco Examiner For thousands of years, women have asked themselves: What is the deal with guys, anyway? What are they thinking? The answer, of course, is: virtually nothing. Deep down inside, guys are extremely shallow. But that has not stopped Dave Barry from writing an entire book about them. If you''re a guy--or if you''re attempting to share a remote control with one--you need this book, because it deals frankly and semi-thoroughly with such important guy issues as: Scratching The role of guys in world history, including the heretofore-unknown relationship between the discovery of North America and golf Why the average guy can remember who won the 1960 World Series, but not necessarily the names of all his children The Noogie Gene Why guys cannot simultaneously think and look at breasts Secret guy orgasm-delaying techniques, including the Margaret Thatcher Method Why guys prefer to believe that there is no such thing as a prostate And much, much more "Whether you''re a guy--or attempting to share a bathroom with one--Barry has some wacky words of wisdom for you." --USA Today

\"Mr. Barry is the funniest man in America and we should encourage him.\" --The New York Times Book Review THERE''S NO PLACE LIKE HOME--EXCEPT IN A SELLER''S MARKET At long last, Dave Barry, the dean of everything, lets you in on the deepest, darkest mysteries of life and answers your hysterical home purchase questions like they''ve never been answered before: What''s the best way to determine a realistic price range? Take your total family income, including coins that have fallen behind the bureau, and any projected future revenue you have been notified about via personalized letters from Mr. Ed McMahon stating that you may already have won 14 million dollars. Then, multiply by something other than six. Can you recommend a good mortgage? There are several kinds: Fixed Rate, Variable Rate, and the bank''s secret weapons, the Party Hat Mortgage and the Mortgage of the Living Dead. How can I avoid spending money on do-it-yourself homeowner''s projects? Find a contractor. Their silent motto is \"We Never Show Up.\" The Romans lived among the ruins. You must too. Is there a secret to having a beautiful lawn? Yes and no. If you fail to feed, fertilize, and water your lawn, it will die. However, if you feed, fertilize, and water your lawn, it will die.

A collection of complete and unabridged texts of the original editions.

The humorist presents a selection of more than fifty one-of-a-kind gifts for the discriminating individual, furnishing vendor names, prices, and addresses for such treasures as elephant-print Republican pants and a capsule of rodent bones regurgitated by an owl.

The story of the formation of a rock band called the ROCK BOTTOM REMAINDERS, featuring Stephen King, Amy Tan, Matt Groening and many others, who joined together to perform for charity

Presents a collection of humor columns by Dave Barry, originally published in the "Miami Herald."

Yet another collection of wit and wisdom by Pulitzer Prize–winning humorist and author Dave Barry. This collection of essays explores a range of topics including traffic cops, dentists, and Congress. "Want to impress your friends? Tell them you read the latest work by the 1988 Pulitzer Prize-winner for commentary. Just don''t tell them it''s full of booger jokes".--Orange County Register

Contains the complete and unabridged texts of: Dave Barry''s guide to marriage and/or sex, Babies and other hazards of sex, Stay fit and healthy until you''re dead, and Claw your way to the top.

No book can guarantee you a long and happy relationship, even if the author didn''t know about your secret hygiene problem. But the cover of a book is no place to discuss that. In Dave Barry''s Guide to Marriage and/or Sex, one of America''s most beloved writers turns his keen, if somewhat rheumy, eye to the institution of marriage. Dating. \"These are nonstereotypical times we live in, by which I mean that it is the responsibility of the woman to think up excuses that get progressively more obvious until the man figures out that the woman would rather chew on a rat pancreas.\" Sex. \"I''m afraid that we must talk here about sex in a very explicit manner, because we want to expand the Frontiers of Human Understanding, and also we want to sell as many books as possible to adolescent boys.\" Marriage. \"Most squabbles start with money. For example, you want to buy food, while your spouse wants to buy a thoroughbred racehorse. It''s important, in these situations, for both of you to be willing to sit down and try to achieve a workable compromise. In this case, you could buy a thoroughbred racehorse and eat it.\"

A humorous guide with valuable advice and tips for moving up the corporate ladder.