New Releases by Andy Jones

A heart-warming and funny novel about love and the choices we make. How bad choices can lead to good things, and how life is never what you expect it to be. Perfect for fans of One Day and Me Before You, from the author of The Two of Us. Henry and Zoe have more in common than they realise. For a start, they both have pasts they''d rather leave behind. After jilting his childhood sweetheart on the eve of their wedding, Henry makes a break for London. He has no friends, no job, no home, no plan. Zoe has great friends, two jobs, a new house, and a big scary plan. After a traumatic, life-changing event, she plans to leave London and spend a year travelling. Alone. If Henry and Zoe had met one year ago, things might have worked out differently. But that s not the way life works. They meet seven months after their worlds have been turned upside down. And four months before Zoe is due to climb on a plane... What readers said about Andy Jones''s first novel, the bestselling The Two of Us: ‘Frank, funny and bittersweet,The Two of Us is a love story about what happens when a relationship looks all wrong but feels all right. This is a book with its heart firmly in the right place’ Louise Candlish ‘Touching, funny and real, Andy Jones’s novel about what happens after the love story had me laughing one minute and crying the next. I loved it’Jane Costello ‘At my age I am still amazed when a writer with the gift of the written word can make me care about a character so much that I can be reduced to tears one minute and laughing the next – but this author manages to do just that’ Sun ‘Honest, heartfelt and real, Jones has poured heart and soul into his words …The Two of Us is a beautiful read about love, friendship and life!’ The Love of a Good Book ‘A really good read and amazingly impressive from a debut author. Have some tissues ready but also be prepared to hold your breath and laugh your socks off’ Fabulous Book Fiend ‘It is a truly inspirational and emotional read, one which will stay with me for a long time and is definitely one of my top reads of 2015’ Compelling Reads ‘Like One Day and Me Before You, The Two of Us almost reads like a screenplay for a hit film and I would not be surprised if we see this on the big screen in a year or two.’ Hollikins, Goodreads ‘You''ll have a lump in your throat more than once and you’ll shade more than one tear but it will also make you laugh and will warm your heart. An outstanding debut’Alba in Bookland ‘A damn fine book and has already barged its way into my top ten of the year so far and I don’t foresee it budging. Well done, Andy Jones’ Lisa Talks About… ‘A beautifully written story with a lot of emotions and adorable scenes’ Sky’s Book Corner ‘A lovely story, well written and tender, both heart-warming and heart-breaking. I haven’t read a book for a long time that made me feel happy and sad by the end’ Melanie Trevelyan, Goodreads

Perder la cabeza por amor es sencillo... la gran aventura empieza cuando compartes la pasta de dientes. Cuando Fisher conoce a Ivy, con su sonrisa, su sentido del humor y esa despreocupada manera de destilar feromonas, la chispa que salta entre ellos está a punto de incendiar medio Londres. Y durante dos semanas en las que ninguna razón les parece lo suficientemente buena como para salir de la cama, se alimentan de galletas y pan mohoso y se olvidan de que en el mundo exterior existen jefes, hipotecas y multas de aparcamiento. Fisher apenas se atreve a creerlo pero tras ese frenesí inicial lo que siente puede estar convirtiéndose en algo muy parecido al amor. El hecho de que apenas sepan nada el uno del otro es un simple detalle sin importancia. Lo que no puede imaginarse es que su primera noche juntos ya ha decidido el resto de sus vidas. Si no la fastidia. Un libro para los que creen en el amor... a pesar de todo. La opinión de la crítica: «Un libro magníficamente escrito y maravillosamente cautivador sobre enamorarse y seguir enamorado, sobre sorpresas, expectativas, ajustes, compromisos y sobre cómo manejar todo lo anterior sin perder la cabeza... Me encantó.» Daily Mail «Una fascinante historia de amor actual..., encantadora y divertida; lo recomendamos encarecidamente.» Library Journal «¿Quién de nosotros no ha sido joven y ha estado locamente enamorado? Los fans de la comedia romántica británica disfrutarán viendo cómo Fisher intenta resolver la situación.» Booklist «Todavía me asombra cuando encuentro a un escritor con el don de la palabra que puede hacer que un personaje me importe tanto como para ponerme a llorar en un momento y echarme a reír un minuto después. Jones consigue exactamente eso.» The Sun

Sich verlieben ist noch das Leichteste – was danach kommt zählt. Als er Ivy begegnet, ist Fisher wie vom Blitz getroffen, und bald ist er sich sicher, dass aus der Sache etwas werden könnte. Noch weiß keiner der beiden, dass die Entscheidung über ihre Zukunft längst gefallen ist: Ivy ist schwanger. Doch während das neue Leben in Ivy heranwächst, muss sich Fisher um seinen schwer erkrankten Freund El kümmern. Und Ivy und Fisher sind immer noch damit beschäftigt, sich kennenzulernen. Denn es ist eine Sache, sich zu verlieben – miteinander zu leben ist eine ganz andere Geschichte ... Ein einmalig ehrlicher, herzzerreißender Roman über die Liebe und das Leben und darüber, dass man keines von beiden als gegeben nehmen sollte. "Ich liebe dich, Ivy. Ich finde dich klug und witzig und schön ... Doch bist du die Richtige? Oder bist du nur noch hier, weil du schwanger bist? Ich hoffe, dass alles gut ausgeht, aber die Wahrheit ist: Ich weiß es nicht." “Ein wunderschön erzähltes, absolut bezauberndes Buch über das Sich-Verlieben und Lieben und die Kompromisse, die zur Liebe dazugehören.“ Daily Mail.

A rip-snorting, laugh-out-loud, giggle-inducing collection of Andy Jones'' most HILARIOUS books! Contains The Fartionary, The Burptionary and The Joketionary ... Days of entertainment! Ages 7+

Advent is a time of expectant waiting, holy anticipation, leaning in, and preparing for what is to come. Of course, Christmas marks the arrival of our Savior. In the Gospels, we discover Jesus coming to earth in what is perhaps the most unusual and unexpected way... as a baby, born to an unwed teenage mom, in a small town''s barn because there was no vacancy at the inn.This Advent devotional book attempts to highlight some of the less obvious circumstances and situations in which we discover God at work. It''s about finding God - anticipating, looking for, expecting, and awaiting him in unexpected places.

Bunny''s are happy, bees are busy, owls are wise. But what do people say about aardvarks? ''As Something As An Aardvark'' is a beautifully illustrated story about individuality and the importance of being yourself.

The only way is up! The master of bodily functions is back in the gurgliest follow-up ever. Ages: 6+ Andy Jones continues his hilarious journey through the human digestive system and tells you everything you (n)ever wanted toknow about BURPS! Whether they be lady-like hiccups or onion-breath stinkers, burps are an essential part of the human experience. the Burptionary is jam-packed full of belchy facts, gaseous jokes and burp-tastic riddles and rhymes, and is guaranteed to have boys everywhere laughing till they spew.

If you loved The Two of Us, you''ll probably hate Untogether Lives. But who knows, you might just love it...Untogether Lives is a collection of fourteen stories that peek through the curtains of an eclectic cast struggling to keep mind, body and the world around them together. From an amputee shoe thief, to an unlikely arsonist, to a sexually frustrated quadriplegic. Predominantly dark and occasionally disturbing, these stories are not for the faint-hearted, but neither are they without humour. Not everyone in Untogether Lives gets a happy ending, and not everyone survives - but, hey, that''s life for you. PRAISE FOR ANDY P. JONES "Your language, style, and voice are all humming and well developed, self-assured and natural as hell." Noir Author, Will Christopher Baer "A contemporaneous voice ... has particular wit, punch and zest." The Literary Consultancy "Funny, fast moving. Superb writing." Amazon Reviewer "Well written, witty at times. Rather splendid." Amazon Reviewer "Full to the brim with colourful and vibrant characters." Amazon Reviewer "Andy P. Jones skill lies in a relaxed narrative under-pinned by diligent observation." Amazon Reviewer "Mr Jones'' use of language is a real pleasure to behold, economical but playful. There''s a confidence in his prose that knows exactly what he wants, and as a reader, that assurance is always nice." Amazon Reviewer "The characters, story and writing were flawless. I loved the human, real qualities of each person and London. This is a must read." Amazon Reviewer

Award-winning storyteller Andy Jones and illustrator Darka Erdelji are back, with Jack, the King of Ashes another riotously funny Jack tale. This time Jack spends all his time hove off in the coal box. Then one day he shakes off those ashes and sets out on an adventure that includes sneaky robbers, a "famous missing princess with reward attached," an always-surprising canine sidekick, a royal wedding, a lovelorn rooster-puppet, a conniving ship''s captain, corpses, curses, kisses, coats and a whole lot more Steeped in Newfoundland folk tradition, Jack, the King of Ashes shows CODCO alumnus Andy Jones at the top of his form. His quirky and delightful humour is unstoppable. Darka Erdelji''s illustrations offer a wonderful, witty counterpoint to the story, enriching and embellishing it. Jones and Erdelji''s last collaboration, Jack and Mary in the Land of Thieves won the 2012 BMO Winterset Award honouring excellence in Newfoundland and Labrador literature in any genre.

Skatergirl is Cool. Scooterboy is not-so-cool. But that doesn''t stop them being best friends and when they get together, crazy and hilarious things tend to happen.

Poems and Essays by Andy Jones and Kate Duren about their son with Smith Lemli Opitz Syndrome.

Love. Hope. Survival. Freedom. From a single fight to save one young life, to the rekindling of liberty for the whole human race. And everything in between. In "Everything in Seven Stories", Andy Jones - in seven short stories - takes us on a simple, engaging and beautiful journey about everything. Everything that matters.

From the creators of the bestselling FARTIONARY comes a book that guarantees hours of hilarious drawing and activity fun! Ages: 6+ From the creators of the bestselling FARtIONARY comes an activity book like no other! Do you like... ∗ Skydiving babies? ∗ Vomiting stick men? ∗ Gangster penguins? ∗ Battery-powered ride-on dinosaur robot chickens? If you answered YES to any of the above questions, then you will love tHE RIPPER RAZZLE DAZZLE BIG BOOK OF FUN AND StUFF AND MORE StUFF! Packed full of drawings, cartoons, puzzles, doodles, dot-to-dots, rhymes, games (plus lots of other whacky, kooky, zany, crazy, loopy, tricky, scary, FUN stuff), tHE RIPPER RAZZLE DAZZLE BIG BOOK OF FUN AND StUFF AND MORE StUFF will keep kids entertained for hours on end! Ages:6+

44 of the funniest, stinkiest, most EXPLOSIVE fart jokes and poems ever! Ages: 6+ Q: What do you get if you mix a fart with dessert? A: Smelly jelly! Q: Why are farts so poor? A: Because they only have one scent! A collection of the funniest, stinkiest, most EXPLOSIVE fart jokes and poems ever! ''I laughed so hard I farted!'' -Professor Fartypants Ages: 6+

Jack and Mary are happy until an underhanded sea captain and Jack''s bragging bring trouble into their lives.

Join Andy Jones for a quirky little thought-experiment!In the mischievously entitled TREASON (and other good ideas), Andy proposes a thought-provoking change to the tired old status quo. Starting with a Declaration of British Independence and a written Constitution, he also lays out ideas for where we should be heading over the next 100 years.Both moral and inspirational, Andy''s radical blueprint for a freer, better and happier world are bound to resonate and inspire.

For the first time ever, someone has cut through the fluff to give you the truth! Join Andy Jones as he takes you through each American Presidency - from George Washington onwards - all from a humorous and libertarian perspective. Find out why the Presidents who did the least governed the best, whose policies really worked, which one had the most ridiculous sideburns, and more in the history book that the historians don''t want you to read!

Once upon a time, and a very good time it was, not in your time, indeed not in my time, but in olden times, when quart bottles held half a gallon and houses were papered with pancakes and pigs run about with forks stuck in their backs seein who wanted a slice o'' ham, there were two old people and they never had no children, and they figured they were too old to ever have any. So begins The Queen of Paradise''s Garden, a wonderful adaptation of a traditional Newfoundland tale, and the first in an ongoing series that combines the telling wit and resonant language of acclaimed Newfoundland actor, writer and comedian Andy Jones with the charming illustrations of Slovenian-born puppeteer and artist Darka Erdelji. Of course, it''s clear from the story''s beginning that there are children on the way, and one of those children is Jack, the delightful, mischievous, big-hearted hero of so many Newfoundland tales. Told with the humour, warmth and sly wit that have made Jones one of the Island''s finest and best-loved storytellers, The Queen of Paradise''s Garden follows Jack on his way to the land of the Queen of Paradise, three miles this side of the end of the world, where he searches for a magic fruit to make his parents young again, and finds quite a few other handy things as well. The story is a free adaptation of a tale told by Albert Heber Keeping of Grand Bank, which he got from Billy Quann of Sagona Island; Keeping''s version was published in Herbert Halpert and John Widdowson''s seminal collection, Folktales of Newfoundland.

Join Andy Jones as he takes us on a quest for reality in performance, studying the philosophies of Antonin Artaud and Lee Strasberg.And when it all gets a bit heavy, Andy''s humour and lightness of touch in the extended essays should help any students struggling with these hefty concepts, grasp the bigger picture.

The Corporate Security Professional''s Handbook on Terrorism is a professional reference that clarifies the difference between terrorism against corporations and their assets, versus terrorism against government assets. It addresses the existing misconceptions regarding how terrorism does or does not affect corporations, and provides security professionals and business executives with a better understanding of how terrorism may impact them. Consisting three sections, Section I provides an explanation of what terrorism is, its history, who engages in it, and why. Section II focuses on helping the security professional develop and implement an effective anti-terrorism program in order to better protect the employees and assets of the corporation. Section III discusses the future as it relates to the likelihood of having to deal with terrorism. The book provides the reader with a practitioner''s guide, augmented by a historical assessment of terrorism and its impact to corporations, enabling them to immediately put in place useful security processes and methods to protect their corporate interests against potential acts of terror. This is guide is an essential tool for preparing security professionals and company executives to operate in an increasingly hostile global business environment.- Features case studies involving acts of terror perpetrated against corporate interests - Provides coverage of the growing business practice of outsourcing security- Remains practical and straightforward in offering strategies on physically securing premises, determining risk, protecting employees, and implementing emergency planning

A virtual evolution in IT shops large and small has begun. Microsoft''s Virtal Server is the enterprise tool to free an infrastructure from its physical limitations providing the transformation into a virtual environment--this book shows you how.This book will detail the default and custom installation of Microsoft''s Virtual Server 2005, as well as basic and advanced virtual machine configurations. It will also discuss the requirements for a server virtualization and consolidation project and the cost savings surrounding such an effort. Furthermore, the book will provide a thorough understanding of the benefits of a virtual infrastructure and a comprehensive examination of how Virtual Server can ease administration and lower overall IT costs. Lastly, the book delivers a thorough understanding of the virtual evolution which is underway in many IT organizations and how the reader will benefit from shifting from the physical to a virtual world.* Examines in detail the default and custom installation of Microsoft''s Virtual Server 2005* Addresses th important topics of server requirements and the cost implications involved* Looks at addressing IT costs and the benefits to the organisation

Provides detailed and advanced configuration information for all Access Suite components Covers every installation option and provides in-depth technical information on custom installations Covers the implementation of all four database options: IBM, SQL Server, Oracle, and Access

Provides IT professionals with an integrated plan to establish and implement a corporate risk assessment and management program.