Best Selling Books by Andy Jones

With even more hilarious jokes, trivia, facts and cartoons, THE FARTIONARY 2: THE FOLLOW THROUGH is guaranteed to be a hit with kids everywhere! A book with more POP, BANG and CRACKLE than a 100-year-old vintage car fuelled on baked beans! Who farts? The why, when and how of farting ... Farting by age, location and climate ... The Whoopee Cushion ... why? All this and much, much more will be revealed by self-proclaimed fart guru to the stars, the ''Fart Whisperer'' himself, ANDY JONES! Ably assisted by his go-to gas consultant, world-renowned ''fart-ologist'', Dr Windee Wendy (BScGAS, PhdWind). Science! Facts! Comedy! Rap! Poetry! All things gassy will be discussed, dissected and disposed of in this deliciously whiffy raspberry romp. So get ready to let one rip with THE FARTIONARY 2: THE FOLLOW-THROUGH!

The Corporate Security Professional''s Handbook on Terrorism is a professional reference that clarifies the difference between terrorism against corporations and their assets, versus terrorism against government assets. It addresses the existing misconceptions regarding how terrorism does or does not affect corporations, and provides security professionals and business executives with a better understanding of how terrorism may impact them. Consisting three sections, Section I provides an explanation of what terrorism is, its history, who engages in it, and why. Section II focuses on helping the security professional develop and implement an effective anti-terrorism program in order to better protect the employees and assets of the corporation. Section III discusses the future as it relates to the likelihood of having to deal with terrorism. The book provides the reader with a practitioner''s guide, augmented by a historical assessment of terrorism and its impact to corporations, enabling them to immediately put in place useful security processes and methods to protect their corporate interests against potential acts of terror. This is guide is an essential tool for preparing security professionals and company executives to operate in an increasingly hostile global business environment.- Features case studies involving acts of terror perpetrated against corporate interests - Provides coverage of the growing business practice of outsourcing security- Remains practical and straightforward in offering strategies on physically securing premises, determining risk, protecting employees, and implementing emergency planning

Like no other book before it, Global Information Warfare illustrates the relationships and interdependencies of business and national objectives, of companies and countries, and of their dependence on advances in technology. This book sheds light on the "Achilles heel" that these dependencies on advanced computing and information technologies creat

44 of the funniest, stinkiest, most EXPLOSIVE fart jokes and poems ever! Ages: 6+ Q: What do you get if you mix a fart with dessert? A: Smelly jelly! Q: Why are farts so poor? A: Because they only have one scent! A collection of the funniest, stinkiest, most EXPLOSIVE fart jokes and poems ever! ''I laughed so hard I farted!'' -Professor Fartypants Ages: 6+

The unmissable follow-up to BOB VS THE SELFIE ZOMBIES, perfect for fans of DAVID SOLOMONS, DAVID BADDIEL and GREG JAMES & CHRIS SMITH. AI is threatening to take over the world, and our last hope is a 12-year-old boy called Bob. Bob, an accidental time-traveller, should be doing his homework but instead he''s bouncing in and out of the year 2049 - and life in the future seriously stinks! When Bob''s science-class experiment goes wrong, he causes a global aroma-virus pandemic - also known as the farting flu. The grumpy school inspector has his eye on Bob and detention looms. But Bob''s got bigger problems. He must face robot gorillas, an evil computer and giant patrol insects to save the world from a very farty future . . . ? Hold your noses for an adventure to the year 2049 and back!

The only way is up! The master of bodily functions is back in the gurgliest follow-up ever. Ages: 6+ Andy Jones continues his hilarious journey through the human digestive system and tells you everything you (n)ever wanted toknow about BURPS! Whether they be lady-like hiccups or onion-breath stinkers, burps are an essential part of the human experience. the Burptionary is jam-packed full of belchy facts, gaseous jokes and burp-tastic riddles and rhymes, and is guaranteed to have boys everywhere laughing till they spew.

Full of funny jokes and silly gags, THE ENORMOUS BOOK OF HOT JOKES FOR KOOL KIDS is a bestseller that''s bound to make you laugh! Now in B-format. Andy Jones collected hundreds of the hottest jokes, rhymes and riddles as he travelled around the country with his children''s entertainment show, and used them to make the ultimate joke book for kool kids! Ages: 6+

Love. Hope. Survival. Freedom. From a single fight to save one young life, to the rekindling of liberty for the whole human race. And everything in between. In "Everything in Seven Stories", Andy Jones - in seven short stories - takes us on a simple, engaging and beautiful journey about everything. Everything that matters.

Risk Management for Computer Security provides IT professionals with an integrated plan to establish and implement a corporate risk assessment and management program. The book covers more than just the fundamental elements that make up a good risk program for computer security. It presents an integrated how-to approach to implementing a corporate program, complete with tested methods and processes, flowcharts, and checklists that can be used by the reader and immediately implemented into a computer and overall corporate security program. The challenges are many and this book will help professionals in meeting their challenges as we progress through the twenty-first century. This book is organized into five sections. Section I introduces the reader to the theories of risk management and describes the field''s changing environment as well as the art of managing risks. Section II deals with threat assessment and its input to risk assessment; topics covered include the threat assessment method and an example of threat assessment. Section III focuses on operating system vulnerabilities and discusses application vulnerabilities; public domain vs. COTS; and connectivity and dependence. Section IV explains what risk assessment is and Section V explores qualitative vs. quantitative tools and types of risk assessment and concludes with an assessment of the future of risk management. Corporate security professionals around the world will find this book a highly valuable source of information. - Presents material in an engaging, easy-to-follow manner that will appeal to both advanced INFOSEC career professionals and network administrators entering the information security profession - Addresses the needs of both the individuals who are new to the subject as well as of experienced professionals - Provides insight into the factors that need to be considered and fully explains the numerous methods, processes and procedures of risk management

THE HILARIOUS AND ACTION-PACKED STORY OF BOB, ACCIDENTAL TIME TRAVELLER. IT''S DOWN TO BOB TO SAVE THE WORLD . . . ALL HE NEEDS IS TIME! Bob and his best friend Malcolm are determined to win the school talent competition with their band The Tentacles of Time. For one thing, there''s £50 worth of vouchers to be won. For another, the future of the world depends on it. Bob doesn''t know why he can time travel. He does know that it always happens at the worst possible moments. Like when he''s in the bath. Awkward! But when Bob comes face to face with his future self in the middle of a disastrous alternative reality, he has to do something! In this terrifying version of the future, an evil genius has created a smile-operated selfie camera that turns people into zombies. The world as Bob knows it has completely collapsed. There''s not even anywhere to get a decent pizza! It''s up to Bob to fix the present, change the course of time and save the whole world! A hair-raising race into the future and back again . . . and again. Perfect for fans of DAVID SOLOMONS, DAVID BADDIEL and GREG JAMES & CHRIS SMITH.

"Originally published in 2015 in Great Britain by Simon & Schuster UK Ltd."--Title page verso.

A heart-warming and funny novel about love and the choices we make. How bad choices can lead to good things, and how life is never what you expect it to be. Perfect for fans of One Day and Me Before You, from the author of The Two of Us. Henry and Zoe have more in common than they realise. For a start, they both have pasts they''d rather leave behind. After jilting his childhood sweetheart on the eve of their wedding, Henry makes a break for London. He has no friends, no job, no home, no plan. Zoe has great friends, two jobs, a new house, and a big scary plan. After a traumatic, life-changing event, she plans to leave London and spend a year travelling. Alone. If Henry and Zoe had met one year ago, things might have worked out differently. But that s not the way life works. They meet seven months after their worlds have been turned upside down. And four months before Zoe is due to climb on a plane... What readers said about Andy Jones''s first novel, the bestselling The Two of Us: ‘Frank, funny and bittersweet,The Two of Us is a love story about what happens when a relationship looks all wrong but feels all right. This is a book with its heart firmly in the right place’ Louise Candlish ‘Touching, funny and real, Andy Jones’s novel about what happens after the love story had me laughing one minute and crying the next. I loved it’Jane Costello ‘At my age I am still amazed when a writer with the gift of the written word can make me care about a character so much that I can be reduced to tears one minute and laughing the next – but this author manages to do just that’ Sun ‘Honest, heartfelt and real, Jones has poured heart and soul into his words …The Two of Us is a beautiful read about love, friendship and life!’ The Love of a Good Book ‘A really good read and amazingly impressive from a debut author. Have some tissues ready but also be prepared to hold your breath and laugh your socks off’ Fabulous Book Fiend ‘It is a truly inspirational and emotional read, one which will stay with me for a long time and is definitely one of my top reads of 2015’ Compelling Reads ‘Like One Day and Me Before You, The Two of Us almost reads like a screenplay for a hit film and I would not be surprised if we see this on the big screen in a year or two.’ Hollikins, Goodreads ‘You''ll have a lump in your throat more than once and you’ll shade more than one tear but it will also make you laugh and will warm your heart. An outstanding debut’Alba in Bookland ‘A damn fine book and has already barged its way into my top ten of the year so far and I don’t foresee it budging. Well done, Andy Jones’ Lisa Talks About… ‘A beautifully written story with a lot of emotions and adorable scenes’ Sky’s Book Corner ‘A lovely story, well written and tender, both heart-warming and heart-breaking. I haven’t read a book for a long time that made me feel happy and sad by the end’ Melanie Trevelyan, Goodreads

Join Andy Jones as he takes us on a quest for reality in performance, studying the philosophies of Antonin Artaud and Lee Strasberg.And when it all gets a bit heavy, Andy''s humour and lightness of touch in the extended essays should help any students struggling with these hefty concepts, grasp the bigger picture.

Skatergirl is Cool. Scooterboy is not-so-cool. But that doesn''t stop them being best friends and when they get together, crazy and hilarious things tend to happen.

font size="+1"''Astoundingly good. Brave, wickedly funny and profoundly affecting. Wow!'' Miranda Dickinson/font size font size="+1"''An emotional punch-packer of a book. Be prepared for it to swallow you whole'' Milly Johnson/font size font size="+1"''A big-hearted, funny, hugely emotional and uplifting novel - I loved it!'' Rachael Lucas/font size font size="+1"''Such a beautifully written book with characters that will linger in your head and heart'' Sarah J Naughton/font size **** You don''t need talent to join this group of actors. The ability to remember lines or stay awake throughout a performance is appreciated, but not essential. The only mandatory is a terminal diagnosis. But Adam Campbell is less than enthusiastic about this eccentric form of group therapy. He has under one year to live, and a heck of lot to get done. Like explaining mortality to his six-year-old daughter. And making amends with the woman who should have been his wife. The last thing Adam needs is a part in an amateur production of ''Shakespeare''s Greatest Deaths''. But help and hope can be found where we least expect them. And perhaps camaraderie, and a shared purpose, will turn out to be the best medicine after all. As Shakespeare, didn''t quite put it: Shuffling off this mortal coil is a drag; but it''s no reason to stop living. The Cancer Ladies'' Running Club meets The One Hundred Years of Lenni and Margot, The Last Act of Adam Campbell is a warm, poignant and wise tale about love, friendship, and making the most of every minute of life that we''re granted.

Award-winning storyteller Andy Jones and illustrator Darka Erdelji are back, with Jack, the King of Ashes another riotously funny Jack tale. This time Jack spends all his time hove off in the coal box. Then one day he shakes off those ashes and sets out on an adventure that includes sneaky robbers, a "famous missing princess with reward attached," an always-surprising canine sidekick, a royal wedding, a lovelorn rooster-puppet, a conniving ship''s captain, corpses, curses, kisses, coats and a whole lot more Steeped in Newfoundland folk tradition, Jack, the King of Ashes shows CODCO alumnus Andy Jones at the top of his form. His quirky and delightful humour is unstoppable. Darka Erdelji''s illustrations offer a wonderful, witty counterpoint to the story, enriching and embellishing it. Jones and Erdelji''s last collaboration, Jack and Mary in the Land of Thieves won the 2012 BMO Winterset Award honouring excellence in Newfoundland and Labrador literature in any genre.

A collection of a dozen action fantasy short stories set in the dark and gothic world of Warhammer.

Two couples. One reckless night. ''Secrets and lies have a nasty habit of coming out at the least appropriate time . . . moving, thought-provoking and beautifully written'' Daily Mail ''Engaging . . . an incredibly emotional story'' The Book Bag ''We love this novel and didn''t see the ending coming. . .'' Closer ************** Sally, Al and Mike have known each other for twenty years. Now approaching their fortieth birthdays, life has proven more unpredictable than they could have imagined. But despite the disappointments, heartaches and regrets, their friendship has endured. And now there is Faye, Mike''s new girlfriend - still in her twenties, carefree and uninhibited. She reminds the friends of their younger selves, of old loves and missed chances. Maybe Faye influenced what happened next? Why they did what they did. Whatever the reasons, one reckless night is about to change all of their lives for ever. Andy''s new novel, The Last Act of Adam Campbell is available in eBook now! ************** Praise for Andy Jones: ''What happens the morning after the night before, when the night before was when you did the most reckless thing of your life? I loved Andy Jones''s stylish portrayal of four people who make way too much history in one night, and just couldn''t put it down until I found out the fate of each of them'' Catherine Isaac ''I''m always wary about comparing books but, just this once, I''m going to make an exception because for me this is one of those few novels that deserves to be mentioned in the same breath as One Day. It has everything you could want from a romcom and then some'' - Sun on The Trouble With Henry and Zoe

The funniest collection of rap, rhyme, riddles and poems you''ve EVER read! The most complete collection and repository of gross and grotty, slimy and snotty, rap, rhyme, riddle and revolting verse. Featuring bodacious beasts, rapalicious rhymes, funky feasts and dancing in your underpants. Laugh out loud and split your sides with hilarious poems, riddles, limericks and more ...

Provides detailed and advanced configuration information for all Access Suite components Covers every installation option and provides in-depth technical information on custom installations Covers the implementation of all four database options: IBM, SQL Server, Oracle, and Access

A rip-snorting, laugh-out-loud, giggle-inducing collection of Andy Jones'' most HILARIOUS books! Contains The Fartionary, The Burptionary and The Joketionary ... Days of entertainment! Ages 7+

This clearly laid-out guide presents all the steps involved in creating rooms, furniture, and accessories.

From the creators of the bestselling FARTIONARY comes a book that guarantees hours of hilarious drawing and activity fun! Ages: 6+ From the creators of the bestselling FARtIONARY comes an activity book like no other! Do you like... ∗ Skydiving babies? ∗ Vomiting stick men? ∗ Gangster penguins? ∗ Battery-powered ride-on dinosaur robot chickens? If you answered YES to any of the above questions, then you will love tHE RIPPER RAZZLE DAZZLE BIG BOOK OF FUN AND StUFF AND MORE StUFF! Packed full of drawings, cartoons, puzzles, doodles, dot-to-dots, rhymes, games (plus lots of other whacky, kooky, zany, crazy, loopy, tricky, scary, FUN stuff), tHE RIPPER RAZZLE DAZZLE BIG BOOK OF FUN AND StUFF AND MORE StUFF will keep kids entertained for hours on end! Ages:6+

A virtual evolution in IT shops large and small has begun. Microsoft''s Virtal Server is the enterprise tool to free an infrastructure from its physical limitations providing the transformation into a virtual environment--this book shows you how.This book will detail the default and custom installation of Microsoft''s Virtual Server 2005, as well as basic and advanced virtual machine configurations. It will also discuss the requirements for a server virtualization and consolidation project and the cost savings surrounding such an effort. Furthermore, the book will provide a thorough understanding of the benefits of a virtual infrastructure and a comprehensive examination of how Virtual Server can ease administration and lower overall IT costs. Lastly, the book delivers a thorough understanding of the virtual evolution which is underway in many IT organizations and how the reader will benefit from shifting from the physical to a virtual world.* Examines in detail the default and custom installation of Microsoft''s Virtual Server 2005* Addresses th important topics of server requirements and the cost implications involved* Looks at addressing IT costs and the benefits to the organisation

Once upon a time, and a very good time it was, not in your time, indeed not in my time, but in olden times, when quart bottles held half a gallon and houses were papered with pancakes and pigs run about with forks stuck in their backs seein who wanted a slice o'' ham, there were two old people and they never had no children, and they figured they were too old to ever have any. So begins The Queen of Paradise''s Garden, a wonderful adaptation of a traditional Newfoundland tale, and the first in an ongoing series that combines the telling wit and resonant language of acclaimed Newfoundland actor, writer and comedian Andy Jones with the charming illustrations of Slovenian-born puppeteer and artist Darka Erdelji. Of course, it''s clear from the story''s beginning that there are children on the way, and one of those children is Jack, the delightful, mischievous, big-hearted hero of so many Newfoundland tales. Told with the humour, warmth and sly wit that have made Jones one of the Island''s finest and best-loved storytellers, The Queen of Paradise''s Garden follows Jack on his way to the land of the Queen of Paradise, three miles this side of the end of the world, where he searches for a magic fruit to make his parents young again, and finds quite a few other handy things as well. The story is a free adaptation of a tale told by Albert Heber Keeping of Grand Bank, which he got from Billy Quann of Sagona Island; Keeping''s version was published in Herbert Halpert and John Widdowson''s seminal collection, Folktales of Newfoundland.

On the industrial factory-world of Necromunda, savage gangs struggle for survival in the shattered tunnels and domes beneath the teeming hive-city of Necromunda.

This collection of jokes and riddles contains old favourites as well as new jokes. Arranged in categories such as ''excellent elephant'' and ''ant-it-ude''.